Pseudoscience

Science is is a systematic enterprise of gathering knowledge about the world and organizing and condensing that knowledge into testable laws and theories. Pseudoscience is not.

Astrology -  not science

Reiki - not science

Cryptozoology -  not science

Just The Facts

  1. Deep within us all is the drive to discover about ourselves and the universe we live in.
  2. Pseudoscience makes us take a step back from the truth.
  3. You know who else dabbled in this? The Nazis. Just throwing that out there.

If It Isn't Real, Why Does It Exist?

We all want to know the answers to the mysteries of life. However, we are limited in what we know about everything and that really bothers people. So, when these pseudo-lies are pseudo-presented to us, we feel pseudo-good "knowing" the truth, especially since and these pseudo-answers are pseudo-comforting. And who doesn't like a comforting lie?

I was kidding, I knew it was in the whole time.

But it does make us feel good and give us false hope, kind of like jacking off. It's about time that we as a society come to terms with the fact that we aren't really banging those 20 year old triplets and that our hand has had enough. We may not be able to get anything that good, but those hookers down the street look pretty good right about now. Sure, she's not that good looking, but at least she's real.

Hookers = Science

Hooker = Science

So now with this metaphore fresh in our minds, we understand how the important the truth is even though it may not be what we want since she treats us a bit too rough. And I mean, come on... I payed for the hour, give me the whole hour. If I wanna cuddle for the left over 55 minutes, she should wanna cuddle too and not call me a fag for tearing a little. There really was something in both my eyes and I wasn't being a pussy. Anyway, lets look at some examples of our hand:

Astrology

What better way to convince people that Astrology is a legitimate than by saying the ancient Babylonians did it? Babylon was in the Middle East. Terrorists are in the Middle East. Therefor, Babylon was a terrorist state. (This uses more logic than astrology)

Babylon was in the Middle East. Terrorists are in the Middle East. Therefor, Babylon was a terrorist state. (This uses more logic than astrology)

Basically, Astrology says that the position that the planets and stars are in during your life, but mostly birth, affects everthing about you. There are so many things wrong with this idea, you can find people debunking it here, here, and even here.

So, I'll just give you this to think about... Pluto is one of the planets that astrologers base their charts on. According to real science, it isn't a planet anymore. So, do astrologers disreguard it now, making all predictions in the past bullshit and false since they were taking something into account that didn't matter? Or, should they still use Pluto as one of the planets? And if they do, shoudn't they take into account every other rock the size of pluto within our solar system? And what about astroids? Other moons? Kim Kardashian's ass?

I'd like to be born while she was in my fifth house on my... uhh...I wanna chart her ASStrology on my dick of... uhh... I would like to have sex with her.

I'd like to be born while she was in my fifth house on my... uhh...I wanna chart her ASStrology on my dick of... uhh... I would like to have sex with her.

Reiki

Reiki is the Japanese art of healing with energy. And it's retarded. Basically, Reiki practitioners say that they can cure your pains by putting their hands over you, thinking really hard, focusing their energy towards you, and giving a massage with energy. Similar to the humoral theory which is now proven to be untrue, Reiki practitioners claim that many illnesses and problems arise from a positive/negative energy imbalance. Oddly, this fad is growing and there are even schools which teach you how to do it.

The Japanese symbol for healing is also the symbol for bullshit. And also for reach around.

Why is this popular? Why in our educated society does this obvious form of bullshit still exist? The placebo effect. for one, but this only cures ailments temporarily. But as with most things, people are amazed with mystical methods that claim to cure you, and afterall, who wants to fuck with a 3rd degree Reiki master? (That really exists). However, in my intensive study of undercover operations and sifted through hundreds of testimonials, the real answer is simple, everyone is stupid. And most customers are just guys thinking the Reiki parlor is a front for a whore house.

This is ok, but I think there's too much bad energy in my dick, can you help me get it out?

Cryptozoology

Many of you are already familiar with cryptozoology. Basically, it's self proclaimed researchers who go out looking for evidence for legendary or mythical creatures. Now, don't get me wrong, this doesn't refer to everyone. This refers to the people who still go out looking for creatures, such as bigfoot or the Lockness monster, even after real scientists examined the claim and declared it shenanigans.

Cryptozoology continues to trick people into thinking it's legitamate because it looks legitamate, but as 12 of my neighbors (who will hopefully drop the charges) now know, just because someone is a white coat, does not mean they are doctors.

"Relax, this is just a penis shaped stethoscope"

These are the "scientists" who, despite all evidence against, say, Cthulhu, continue to believe it and interpret meaningless signs as solid evidence for said creature. Often, they rationalize and forge evidence because they think "Well, this is obviously real, but we just need more people looking for it, so if I say this is Cthulhu's ejaculate, more people would invest their time into this, and we'll find it. So the ends justify the means"

Pictured: Cthulhu's pre-cum... and collateral damage

Any More?

Obviously, there are many other forms of pseudoscience that have not been covered. Some include psychic detective, tarot cards, and Feng Shui. The list goes on and on. Now, I know what you are thinking, "without this cracked.com artice, how am I supposed to differential between real and fake?" It's simple, click on this link and educate yourself about the rest of the pseudosciences. And remember, the truth might not be as simple and blissful as lies, but at least it is real, and real is always better.

Boobs are nothing like the truth