The Sun

-Under Construction-The Sun is a big ball of fire that would kill you if you went near it, but also keeps alive everything at a safe distance.

We don't need no water, let that motherfucker burn...

Just The Facts

  1. It's really hot up there.
  2. If you look at it very long, you will literally start to burn your eyes. Don't do that.
  3. It's pretty far away, so you're safe for now, but try not to visit there at any point.
  4. Ancient people worshipped the Sun, mostly because it's fucking awesome and it makes plants grow.
  5. Here comes the sun. Do-do-do-do. Here comes the sun...

But Why Is It So Hot?

The Sun is hot by virtue of the fact of being on fire at all times. Scientists such as Albert Einstein and Reed Richards estimate that the sun is about a billion jillion degrees at it's core, but nearly a fucktillion degrees on the surface.

If it were extinguished temporarily, it might cool off a little, and it might save some of it's finite amounts of gases, but it would also be a terrible idea. As far as we know, the sun actually can't go out, even briefly. If it could and if it did, there would be probably some disasters here on Earth. Like a 60 year-long winter, or zombie apocalypse. If it even dims for long, we're probably screwed.

The sun also kills vampires, as science has already shown us. This is partially because it is made of fire, and fire also kills vampires, but it is also because it emits sunlight, and that definitely kills them. Except that one smartass who made himself tan instead. The sun is tired of that guy.

If you want to go outside, and you are a lightish skinned person or even a white person, you apparently have to buy sunscreen and rub it all over your exposed flesh. This will not make you look less white, but it will stop you from getting cancer, much the same way that sunglasses stop you from getting shot in the eye with a bullet. You're blocking out some stuff, but the dangerous stuff is probably going right through. Try to enjoy your day at the beach anyway.