World Cup Tickets

The World Cup often boils down to getting drunk, throwing racial slurs to other countries and causing massive property damage. To be part of this momentous occasion however, you need a passport, enhanced liver function and most importantly- tickets.

All these men drink to mask how insignificant their country really is.

This is the closest you will ever come to world cup tickets.

Just The Facts

  1. You have more chance of having sex with Megan Fox than getting tickets for the world cup.
  2. If you don't live in France, Brazil, Spain or Germany, there is no point in buying tickets past the knockout stages.
  3. England will probably never win the world cup again, so we should just get over it.
  4. The world cup makes more money than you could if your dick was an ATM.

Why you won't (and shouldn't) get world cup tickets.

Going to the world cup is an expensive thing. Renewing your passport, spending money, hospital bills after getting your stomach pumped- these things all add up. Since purchasing your country's obligatory world cup themed single is mandatory, theres a few extra pounds there too. Tickets however, are on another level. The average football ticket costs around £30 sterling, which is around $45 US. Even for the early group stages, world cup tickets are selling for around 350-450. Even if your team doesnt make it past the group stage, you're forking out over 5000 big ones to witness some millionaires kick a ball of air around.

Getting hold of tickets is almost as hard as raising the funds for said tickets. Tickets were sold in five batches, with the last of those batches going on sale on May 28th. Imagine if you wanted a video game and there were only 30,000 copies of that video game going to be made. Now imagine that the publisher decided to sell them a few thousand at a time and made you register your interest for the game. Now imagine that even though you registered before everyone else and have the money to buy this video game, the people who get copies out of the millions who want it are selected randomly. This is how the world cup ticket service works. Much like in the real world, your only safe bet is to go to eBay, sell your kidneys, go back on eBay and use your kidney money to buy tickets off some lucky bastard who beat you to the chase.

Which brings us to the darker side of the world cup and why you all should feel ashamed of yourselves for even considering going. Believe it or not, a huge event such as the 2010 world cup, will generate a lot of tourism in South Africa. However, if anyone remembers South Africa's favourite past-time of being a jerk to its citizens, they will see that just by going to the world cup, they are kicking people out of their homes. Whats worse is that people are being moved from potential tourism areas and being put in actual concentration camps while the tournament is on. Yes thats right, people are being kicked out of their homes just so some people can watch a game of football.

So there you have it, the world cup is hard to get into, hard to afford and violates the human rights of the South African people. The best case scenario is to use the money you would have spent on tickets, buy a big ass T.V, your own bodyweight in beer and just watch it at home like everyone else.