Demi Moore

How G.I. Jane can derail a career. Viggo Mortenson, consider yourself lucky.

Even this terrible movie managed to not kill the careers of those involved with it.

Just The Facts

  1. After 1997's G.I. Jane, Demi did not appear in another film until the year 2000. She didn't appear in a film anyone had heard of until 2003's Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle.
  2. You are raising your three daughters with a man (Ashton Kutcher) who is most likely going to end up porking one of them.
  3. You were born in Roswell, New Mexico and at 46, you are hotter than you were at 26. Something doesn't add up...

G.I. Jane

I hope while filming this move you had flashbacks of when you were good, or at least watchable, because this movie really was the death sentence. And don't make "raising a family" the reason your movie career took a nosedive. Just look at the Jolie-Pitt's, they are making movies while raising a whole village worth of orphans.

G.I. Jane had a number of causalities, check it out:

Demi Moore - This movie really knocked you out of the game. I think the only thing that would get you back on track would be to show some 46 year-old breasts in your next movie.

Anne Bancroft - Dead.

Jason Beghe - Who?

Daniel Von Bargen - The Commandant from Malcolm in the Middle. Nice.

John Michael Higgin's - Can currently be seen in Direct TV commercials opposite Ed Begley Jr. Nicer.

Jim Caviezel - Crucified.

Lets get a couple of things straight though. This move wasn't terrible. It had water boarding and a number of various hazing techniques that made frat guys 'round the globe pop a wood. Demi looked good even after shaving her head and Viggo Mortenson is a pretty badass guy with the title "Master Chief" who does his best to make life hell for the only woman under his command.

In the end Viggo gets saved by the woman no one believed in and she earns the respect of her peers. Yay!

However if Viggo Mortenson was your career Demi, you left that shit bleeding out on the battle field.

Rudy > G.I. Jane

The crappy nobodies that wrote G.I. Jane stole the main plot from Rudy. All they did was set it in the military and make the main character a female. Just like Rudy, Jane manages to defy the odds which are heavily stacked against her, and survive the grueling training to triumph in the end.

Demi show me you can play two seasons on the Notre Dame practice squad and then I'll be impressed.