Buckethead

Buckethead is a virtuoso guitar player, recognized worldwide as one of the most talented shredders alive today. He also wears a mask, long wig, a bucket on his head, and claims that he was raised in a chicken coop.

For all we know, that could be Justin Bieber under that mask, wig, bucket, and shitload of talent.

Just The Facts

  1. Buckethead claims that he wears a KFC bucket on his head to remember the chicken genocide committed by KFC each year
  2. Buckethead invented his own word: Slunk. Only Buckethead and Stephen Baldwin know what it means.
  3. To date, Buckethead has released almost 30 solo albums, and has bedded twice as many women.

Buckethead: The Man(?), The Legend

Buckethead, while being an extremely talented and accomplished guitar player, is perhaps best-known for his out-of-left-field shitstorm of concrete strangeness. This is straight out of his official biography:

"First of all you gotta understand Buckethead grew up real lonely on a farm. He figured no one understood him. The only thing they understood about him was how to treat him bad. To this very day, believe it or not, Buckethead does not like to be shocked with a cattle prod.

It wasn't all bad, though, on the farm. As soon as he moved into the chicken coop he started to make new friends. The chickens took real good care of him, and they liked him so much they scratched his face off. Now he could wear a mask every day, just like Halloween! He was the luckiest boy he knew. He didn't know many other boys though, except those kids who lit him on fire that time."

We're sure that Mullholand Drive made more sense than that.

Other details of Buckethead's questionably true life include the founding of Bucketheadland, his own abusement park, his being firing from the slaughterhouse because he stabbed the rest of his co-workers to death in the showers, and playing guitar for fun. In a spoken-word interlude on his song "Machete Mirage", an employee of Bucketheadland helpfully informs the listener that "some theme parks have maps, but not Bucketheadland. Here, people come in and can't find their way out. You pay for a day and end up staying a whole month! When you come stumbling out, dirty and disoriented, you don't quite realize what a great deal you just got."

Whatever the hell his deal is, we applaud Buckethead for doing something few entertainers do nowadays: entertain us. In this age of desensitization, it takes a specimen of outstanding creative caliber to deliver a truly unique entertaining experience. Lady Gaga's outrageous outfits could fit into this category, but she pales in comparison to what is essentially a guitar-shredding Michael Myers with Asberger's syndrome and a chicken fetish.

Personality eccentricities aside, put a guitar into Buckethead's hands and he becomes a fucking wizard. The sounds this man/mask can produce from a guitar will make you reach previously-thought-impossible highs of aural orgasms. It will literally make you question whether everything you were ever told was a lie. Imagine if there was a sound-wave equivalent to the Matrix - Buckethead would fuck it to death and have a tea party. We'll just have to invent a new word to describe the complexity and beauty of Buckethead's music: gorgegastic. There.

Buckethead is also well-known, apart from his guitar skills and government-certified turtle-shit mental condition, for his many collaborations with other artists. Frequent contributors to Buckethead's records include Bootsy Collins, Serj Tankian, Bill Laswell, Viggo Mortensen, and That 1 Guy, a hasidic Jew who plays an instrument of his own creation: The Magic Pipe.

It would be tempting to make a Jew joke, but this is just too fucking crazy-awesome

Just Listen To This Insane Shit

Nottingham Lace is one of Buckethead's more well-known songs, appearing as the coda to his album Enter the Chicken. Its signature guitar solo was ranked by Digital Dream Door has the 17th greatest guitar solo of all time, beating the likes of Jimi Hendrix, Joe Satriani, and Slash. The solo is so good, in fact, that it actually fathered Stephen Colbert 41 years before it was even written. That's right: time-travel penetration.

Final Wars appears on Buckethead's 2004 album The Elephant Man's Alarm Clock and has subsequently become one of the most hacked songs for the Guitar Hero franchise. The song was so well-received that God officially deemed it the new official theme song of Heaven, replacing Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah.

Soothsayer is Buckethead's most well-known song, first debuting on the puzzlingly titled Crime Slunk Scene in 2006. It has been knocking up your girlfriend ever since. A staple of his live shows, Buckethead is officially credited with playing the "bionic cattleprod" on this song. So you know, there's that.