Lost finale

I was really disappointed!!! That was such a stupid explaination of the alternate timeline. We would've been better off without the alt. timeline, and it just ending with the plane taking off, and Jack dying. Stupid Jack.

What the fuck, WHERE'S WALT!?

Just The Facts

  1. Lost is the shit.
  2. It will be the most watched TV finale since MASH.
  3. Jack is an badass.
  4. After watching the finale: That has to be the most stupidest finale ever. They're all dead? Are you serious? We would've been better off without the alt. timeline.

The Five Coolest Ways Lost Could've End

5. Jack kills the smoke monster and saves mankind.

The definition of badass.

How poetic right? In the beginning he saves everyone on the plane, which is prophetic to the fact that he'll save all mankind. In reality, this will probably be how it all goes down. But that surely wouldn't be the coolest way for it to go down.

Since in the real finale he did kill the Smoke Monster, then died while the plane was taking off...why not just end it there??? Abandon this whole alternate timeline thing. In fact, why the fuck was it there anyway? Why not just let the hydrogen bomb do nothing, and never create this alt. timeline thing. That ending failed big time.

4. Hurley says "screw this", jumps into the ocean, and swims thousands of miles to get help.

Implausible I know, but wouldn't it be awesome? Make the fat guy the hero! It's like the definition of America. Maybe along the way he finds true love with a mermaid...ok, that won't happen. But watching Hurley swim an ocean to save people? That would be something I'd pay to see.

That's right...he can swim.

3. Juliet, Sayid, Sun, and Jin come back from the dead to help kill the Smoke Monster.

How crazy would this be? Bring back some of the favorites, make the zombie crazy weirdos happy, and kill the smoke monster. Maybe make it so that only zombies could kill the Smoke Monster...that'd be entertaining.

We all miss Juliet, and lets face it...Lost is at least 10 times better than her new show V. Sun and Jin were quite lovable, and it was really quite sad how they died. Sayid may not exactly be "missed", but he was really good at kicking ass and would be a great help to defeating the Smoke Monster. So would Juliet...I mean just look at her:

She's hot AND can kickass...Sawyer really scored here.

2. The Smoke Monster kill Jack and his friends, gets off the island, and destroys the world.

There's still a chance this story ends badly. Which wouldn't make me the least bit disappointed. There's too many happy endings out there. And the only "bad endings" we get involve zombies and vampires. So lets shake it a bit ABC!

This is way better than a hero ending...

If "Locke" gets off the island and destroys mankind thus ending the show Lost, I would be one happy camper. No one (except for me and you of course) would see it coming. And it would get all the crazies talking about Satan killing us all 2012. And that could be fun to watch too...

Watching these weirdass hippies run around in reaction to 2012? Hell yes.

1. Chuck Norris saves the day.

I can just see the scene unfolding...

Before Jacob dies, he hands Jack a button and tells him, "If you ever think that thing has defeated you and will destroy the world, press this button."

Jacob then dies, and war insues...at the end of the finale with like 10 minutes left, Jack gets hurt. Bad. "Locke" leaves the island...but not before Jack presses that button. Then, with heroic music playing in the background (hope they have the Walker, Texas Ranger theme song on hand), Chuck Norris drops in. He kills the smoke monster. He then proceeds to walk over to Jack where Jack, with his dying breath, says "Thank you, Chuck Norris."

That would be the shit. The most freaking awesome thing TV has seen. Better than the SpongeBob movie, The Hangover, and those GoDaddy advertisements.

I mean, Chuck Norris saving the day? How could that not be the greatest ending ever!!??

Chuck Norris is the definition of Badass. And ninja. And awesome.

A Recap Of Lost...The Eleven Biggest Moments in Lost History

11. Michael kills Ana Lucia and Libby. ("Live Together, Die Alone", Season 2)

Ana Lucia was really cool. Libby was the only one who loved Hugo. She was one of the softspots of Lost. Then...what the fuck!!?!?! Michael's back, with a gun. He kills Ana Lucia in order to get his son back...ok understandable-ish. Then he fucking kills Libby??

Poor Libby was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She was greatly missed...especially by Hugo. Now we know he'll die a virgin.

He's forever a virgin............

10. The Pilot gives us major "what the fuck" fever. ("Pilot Parts 1&2, Season 1)

The Pilot was very intense. For three major reasons.

1, That sorry dude gets sucked into a plane jet thing. That really get everyone's attention...you know, unless you were too busy getting yourself a tan feeling sorry for yourself (*cough* Shannon *cough*).

2, There's a motherfucking polar bear on the island. Sawyer was most definitely the enemy in the beginning. But he proved his badassness by shooting a polar bear. That was trippy, and showed that not all was right on the island.

3, Holy shit, what the hell happened to our pilot!?! Goddamn that was a bloody mess. We don't actually see the Smoke Monster until the season 1 finale, but his presence was felt throughout the whole show. Especially when, as the group was trying to recover a transceiver, the pilot got sucked out the window. Did anybody else get major Jurassic Park deja vu?

The pilot guy is dead.

9. They open the hatch and meet Desmond. ("Exodus 1&2", "Man of Science, Man of Faith" Season 1/2)

The hatch was a huge deal the first season. It was what split up the camp, what started the rivalry between Jack and Locke, all that stuff. And they finally opened it...and holy shit, there's a Scottish guy pushing buttons every 108 minutes down there. That was a huge moment in Lost history, as it set the stage for many events to come.

8. We discover John Locke. ("Walkabout", "Man From Tallahassee" Seasons 1 then 3)

In the episode "Walkabout", we learn Locke was in a wheelchair and this island had healed him. He became the "man of faith", talking about how it was their destiny they were there and all that jazz. Then in "Man From Tallahassee", we learn it was John's own father who paralyzed him by throwing him out a window. Holy shit. That was a big deal.

Oh shit...he's got a gun.

7. The tail section survivors' story is told. ("The Other 48 Days", Season 2)

This really was huge. We had always wondered what the hell happened to the other people until this episode. We learned that Ana Lucia was a badass bitch willing to kill for what she wants. And that there were spies in the group sent from the mysterious others. The Others stole nine people from the tail survivors camp, thus pissing everyone off.

Learning their story and seeing them catch up with the original group was awesome, and paved the way for more chaos and mayhem, and got us to hate the Others all that much more.

Ana Lucia is a bitch.

6. Richard doesn't age...and we finally find out why!! ("Ab Aeterno" Season 6)

Apparently Richard was a young farmboy with true love...but crashed was arrested for murder trying to save his wife. Then he was sold as a slave to a ship, which crashed on the island. The Smoke Monster rescued Richard, and tried to get him to kill Jacob. But Richard became Jacob's assistant in exchange for eternal life.

This was also the episode where everybody flipped out thinking they were actually in hell, and this whole show was complete bullshit. Thank god they cleared that up............

5. Charlie dies. ("Through The Looking Glass" Season 3)

This was, again, a really intense episode. Everybody loved Charlie. Until we started really seeing him as a druggie, he was the charming hero of the series. He gave up heroin, fell in love with Claire, and did a lot of really badass stuff, like saving the world.

But once Desmond went all psychic on the gang, he kept telling Charlie he was going to die. Which he eventually did.

After being tortured by some others at the Looking Glass station, a lot of crazy shit happens. That one eyed dude Mikhail comes in and shoots the two torturers. Then Desmond jumps out and kills Mikhail. Charlie gets the code to unjam the jammer thing, letting Jack and his group call for help. Then Penny appears on a screen just before Charlie leaves, letting him know that that isn't their boat coming for rescue...Jack is about to give himself up to strangers.

Then Mikhail comes back and blows shit up, killing Charlie. But not before he tells Desmond "Not Penny's Boat". Thus, he saves the entire crew one more time.

Charlie saves the day.

(Also noticeable during the season 3 finale: After Jin failed to fulfill his part in ambushing the Others, Hurley saved Bernard, Jin, and Sayid by driving a van over people. Totally badass.)

4. Sun, Jin, and Sayid all die because Sawyer's a stupid dumbass ("The Candidate" Season 6)

Again, this was an episode where we lose some of our favorite survivors. Sun and Jin definitely bonded over this show. Watching the Pilot again made me realize how much Jin had changed. Sayid...while technically being a terrorist, was very key to their survival.

The Smoke Monster manipulated all of the survivors onto the sub, intentionally being left behind in order to get them to kill eachother...which is exactly what happened. Sawyer didn't believe Jack when he explained all this, and disarmed the bomb. Which, of course, caused it to explode. This killed Sayid, who ran it out of the sub in a hero move. Jin then died trying to save Sun. Kate, Jack, Sawyer, and Hurley were left. It was a very sad ending, and made me hate Sawyer even more.

3. Hydrogen bomb go boom. ("The Incident" Parts 1&2)

This was without a doubt my favorite episode from the Lost series. In 1977, the gang consisting of Jack, Sayid, Richard, and Eloise are in the process of setting off a hydrogen bomb in the Swan station, thus erasing the plane crash that brought them to the island. But Kate, Juliet, and Sawyer are determined to stop them.

After a brutal fistfight between Jack and Sawyer, they all agree to go blow up the bomb. Then there's this big intense "fuck shit up" battle between them and the DARMA crew, which DARMA loses badly.

The big electromagnetic core of the island starts to really fuck shit up, and sucks everything into it...including Juliet. Then follows a few very depressing moments where she falls down the hole and Sawyer cries. Then, after pounding on the bomb down in the hole, Juliet explodes the bomb...which does apparently nothing to the survivors. Sawyer now wants to kill Jack.

It was an awesome episode. Those few moments at the end were extremely intense, and set off the killing streak that ended in The End, the series finale.

2. The flash forward...holy shit! They get off the island! ("Through The Looking Glass, Part 2" Season 3)

Talk about what the fuck!!!

At the end of the episode, we get this flashforward to the future. Jack is a complete mess, to say the worst. After attempting to commit suicide, he drives to a funeral house. There he sees the casket of Jeremy Bentham...aka, John Locke (though we don't know it yet). It was a big mystery who the hell the dead dude was for a long time.

But the most weird part, was when Kate showed up. Apparently Jack had been flying, hoping one day to crash back on the island, and screams at Kate 'we have to go back'. Freaky shit...and a helluva good way to end a season!

1. The Smoke Monster is dead. ("The End" Season 6)

The End was pretty crazy. I give it a 5/10. It was very predictable, and was just plain fucking stupid the way it ended. Like WTF, they were all dead? Or WTF, this is all way in the future?? I'm more lost than I was before the finale. I like my Chuck Norris idea way the fuck better...

But anyways, it did provide us the best Lost moment ever. As the island starts to blow up, Jack and the Smoke Monster prepare their final showdown, without any immortal BS. Jack lunges at the SM, but eventually he loses. The SM stabs Jack in the stomach, and nearly slits his throat.

But lo and behold...Kate's here to save the day. She finally gets revenge for Jin, Sun, and Sayid's deaths. She fucking blows his head off, and they kick him down off the cliff. Hellz yeah! Good triumphs over evil!!

While the ending was gay as hell, this moment was fantastic.