Bars

Bars. America's attempt at Pubs. We drinking experts have one thing to say to you. You guys fail so fucking hard that it is no longer funny. "Bars are for Life, not just for Drinking."

Your typical bar owner

Just The Facts

  1. Bars are where you go to drink. Alone. Because you are worthless.
  2. Despite what Cheers says, no one gives a flying fuck what your name is.
  3. Most bars smell of disinfectant and beer. The disinfectant usually tastes better.

What is a Bar?

A Bar is a place to drink. Dark, dank and dingy, with a mirror behind the bar to mercilessly show you your depression, they have minimal appeal outside some 80's TV sitcoms.

A bar owner is not happy for his bar to simply be a bar. Most have themes - that perversion of nature by marketing that has no bearing on real life.

Sports bar

Western bar

Irish bar

Dive bar

Topless bar

Bar Denizens

Frat boys

Bar Hags

The Guy in the Corner

The Bore

The Sports Fan

The Lonely Businessman

The Business Girl

Shit to Do in a Bar

Drink, fight and watch ESPN. That is pretty much it.

Amateurs.