Wedding Planning

Planning a wedding is a time-honored tradition for most couples. It has also become a soul-sucking hell from which you will never escape.

An average American bride in the days prior to her wedding.

The average American bride the day of her wedding.

The average American bride immediately after her wedding.

Just The Facts

  1. Wedding planning is a soul-crushing endeavor into realizing you will never have enough money to fufill your fiancee's dreams.
  2. Planning a wedding ruins marriages. And not just the one that's being planned.
  3. Jennifer Lopez is a wedding planner in the movie "The Wedding Planner".

Planning A Wedding

Planning a wedding doesn't seem that hard, right?

Book a big room, as your friend Steve to DJ, find a white dress--but thanks to the glory of consumerism, the majority of couples spend between $14,686 and $24,476--oh, and this doesn't count the wedding ring or honeymoon, either. But hey, it's okay. According to Bank Of America, you could just take out a loan.

So, what?

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That's what.

Thanks to shows cleverly designed to show the average bride just what, exactly, she can't have, the rising trend for grandeois weddings shows no sign of stopping.

What Your Fiancee Is Watching and Why You Should Be Concerned

Say Yes To The Dress:

Thank TLC for this gem. Basically, this is a reality show that follows the daily buisness of Kleinfeld's, which is a super-expensive by-appointment-only bridal boutique in New York. For this to be significant, you need to understand what a bridal boutique is. This is a store in which they sell only wedding gowns. Women wait for 4 to 6 months to have the opportunity to meet with thier "bridal consultants" and find the perfect dress.

Here's why you should be concerned--

These brides are waiting 6 months to try on a dress that they will wear once. Oh, and most of them cost more than your car.

Then there's Girl Meets Gown on WeTV, which is essentially the same show except there's a different woman and more ads for movies about unhappily married battered housewives in between. You'd think someone would make the connection.

However, the worst are WeTV's Platinum Weddings and Fabulous Weddings on VH1.

Bored? Nothing to do? Want to have all of your hopes and dreams for a decent, modest ceremony crushed in a single instant? These are for you! These "shows" (loosely stated) feature a new couple in every episode, so it's not really a show so much as a constant barrage of your fiancee's broken dreams. What are these couples doing? Getting married. Why are they on TV? Because they are spending a fuckload of money doing it.

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I'd tell you why to be concerned, but I'll let you figure it out. Interesting sidenote... several of the couples on that show have since filed for bankruptcy.

That not enough for you? The Bridal Association of America (yes, that's real) has an entire page dedicated to casting calls for brides to appear on even more reality shows---My Big Fat Redneck Wedding sounds like a gem.