Misused Words

Dictionaries have defined the English language for centuries. Since, updates have been made as the evolution of language continues. But like most great things made by man, someone screwed it up and now the language defines the dictionary.

What's Your Damage, Heather?

Did you know that words have certain meanings? Here's a fun fact: whenever you look a word up in a dictionary, the definition isn't whatever the fuck you want it to be! Fancy that! I understand that it's human nature to misspeak, and even I've realized how many words I've used incorrectly after reading the article 9 Words That Don't Mean What You Think. Ignorance is innocence until you've been informed; after that it makes a swift transition into stupidity.
Tragically, people who misuse words aren't the only offenders to our language; the people at Oxford English Dictionary are also trying to tear it apart. Yes, that's right. The people who brought you one of the first and most well known dictionaries is hovering over the glass table that is covering our society. Any time there is something that drastically improves the human race someone has to take the idea too far.
Talk about a Cleveland steamer!
Way to fail, Seth MacFarlane.
How is the English language supposed to survive if people keep making fuck-tarded exceptions to what is proper just to coddle the ill-educated? Every time someone tries to argue with me that the colloquialism "ain't" is a word because it's now in the dictionary, I want to punch a baby like it's going out of style (which it isn't I assure you).

Yeah? Well I found this devil ray in the dictionary too
while I was giving your brother a handy. Zing!
That being said, here are some reasons why Oxford English Dictionary is to the English language as The Blue Collar Comedy tour is to comedy.

#3. Irregardless

It's not so hard to understand why this word is used. After all, it does sound a lot like the word it means to be, regardless.

Why It's Wrong
The word regard means to have or show respect or concern for something and comes from the middle English/Anglo-French word regarder, which means to look. Therefore, the word regardless is without having respect or concern for something. The prefix ir means not or without. So for someone to say, "Tilly cheated on me irregardless of my feelings" is like saying, "Tilly cheated on me without without concern for my feelings." Oh, I think there is plenty of concern in that sentence (seriously, fuck Tilly). The appropriate thing to say would be, "Tilly cheated on me regardless of my feelings, and then I knocked that ho down some stairs. Bitch, say what? After which, I picked up a book and improved my grasp of the English language, Yo. Then I did some coke off that book. Word." Of course, what you say may be different depending on how gangsta you are.

Damn, that be some serious gangsta, yo.

#2. Conversate

When someone tells me that they would like to conversate with me, I light up a cigarette and thrust it into their eye.

Why It's Wrong
I think that an entry by The Drizzle on urbandictionary.com says it in the most offensive and blunt way possible.
A word used by backwards, ignorant, illiterate inner city trash that mean to say 'converse'. Example, "Yo, I just needs to conversate witcha!" To which I replied, "No, you need to converse with me, you dumb, shit-eating fuck-head!"

Even I can admit that was a bit harsh, but there was some truth to Mr. Drizzle's slanderous remarks. Conversate is just another thing people say to sound smart. To me, the appropriate word converse sounds smarter, but maybe that's because I'm not a moron. What's silly to me is that the word converse has been a part of our culture for over a hundred years in the form of Converse shoes. And we all know who wears Converse. Here's a hint, it that starts with an "i" and ends with "nner city trash." Of course, I wear them, making them cool again. Well, me and one other...

Doctor Who
The one exception.

#1. E.V.O.O.

Anyone who knows me knows that I HATE needless abbreviations and acronyms. Ideally, they are created to save time or energy but are usually made up by people who are too lazy to not be ass hats. The Board of Ass Hats (less awesomely known as Oxford English Dictionary) decided that Rachel Ray needed to up her street cred and initiated the abbreviation for extra virgin olive oil-E.V.O.O.-into their dictionary.

E.V.O*wiki wiki*.O. Sup?

Why It's Wrong

Since when did celebrities get this type of recognition for catch phrases? If Gretchen Wieners can't have "fetch," then Rachael Ray shouldn't have this. I think it would be neat to have a collection of sayings that have been made famous by celebrities, but as its own collection. What really tweezes my short hairs is the fact that it doesn't take any longer to say extra virgin olive oil than it does to say E.V.O.O. It takes about the same amount of time; if not less when you consider the time you'll have to spend explaining to people why you suck so badly. And if you use "words" like E.V.O.O., that will take a while.