Texas Rangers

The Texas Ranger Division is a law enforcement agency in Texas that has state-wide jurisdiction, and is the only law enforcement agency badass enough to have Chuck Norris in its ranks.

Just The Facts

  1. They are the oldest state-level law enforcement agency in the U.S.
  2. Texans love the Rangers so much, they are legally protected against disbandment.
  3. They inspired the name of a shitty baseball team.
  4. this article contains no cowboy stereotype jokes
  5. if you think cowboy stereotype jokes are funny then FUCK OFF!

The History of the Rangers

Back in 1823, when Texas was still part of the newly independent Mexico, the Rangers were unofficially created to protect the 600-700 families from the U.S. (who were actually allowed in by the Mexican government, rather surprisingly) from attacks by Native Americans and bandits. And how many men were recruited by Father of Texas/Lunatic Stephen Austin? Ten. That's right. Ten badass, crazy-ass men to protect up to 700 families, which, back then, could easily have meant up to 3000 people. All over Texas. however it is possible that they were nine super badass texas rangers(with a token wimpy human thrown in) that included chuck norris who is now the only surviving original member,but that's just my theory. while it was hard for texas to enforce laws in the barren wasteland it was (and that most of america thinks it still is), if those original ten rangers were even half the superhuman badass that chuck norris is than texas could rest safe knowing it was in the protective hands of an equivilant of 5 billion supermans.

through the years the texas rangers and their badassery went unnoticed as they kept texas safe while regular cops were busy keeping football players from saying good bye to their dying mother-in-laws. but in 1993 the rangers became known not only in texas but the entire world when badass/superhero/jesus like being/ occasional actor chuck norris became the star of walker texas ranger which happens to be the only show to date that provides an accurate depiction of modern texas(i.e. texans driving cars).

for some reason after the civil war ended the north associated the rangers with the slaves or some thing and dis banded it but everyone knows you dont mess with texas(everyone exept hollywood but fuck those faggots especially mark twain) and the texas rangers were reborn in 1935 just in time for they're 100th birthday. the texas rangers do lots of law enforcement stuff since many times the real police are too un badass. these guys acording to wikipedia done shit like "investigated crimes ranging from murder to political corruption, acted as riot police and as detectives, ... tracked down fugitives, and functioned as a paramilitary force".

the texas rangers are so badass that of the hundreds of texans who try to join, few even survive filling out the application[citation needed]. the rangers helped catch bonnie and clyde god dammit!according to one legend a mayor called some texas rangers to stop a fight but they only sent one ranger. when the mayor asked where the fuck every one was the ranger repplied(this is seriously how it goes) ""Hell! Ain't I enough?".

now we have to all admit that with awesome badassery comes idiots misusing said badassery and getting in scandals and making everyone in their state look like assholes. what i mean is that even though the rangers are badass the have been responsible for a few massacres and such like the massacre of the mexican village of porvenir.

we thought they were gonna steal our jobs

but keep in mind that so has the L A police department. and also remember that those actions dont represent what all people from texas are like or think(and neither do mark twain or rick perry).