America: the greatest country in existence.

America, fuck yeah!

Just The Facts

  1. Undoubtedly the greatest country ever made.
  2. Birthday- July 4, 1776.
  3. Weed is illegal, but flamethrowers aren't.
  4. Perfect but with one tiny exception south of New York.
  5. Canada is our neighbor to the north and is similar to the younger sibling who wants to be just like you.


There are two basic types of Americans: Americans and American'ts. They are derived directly from the terms African/African't, Mexican/Mexican't, etc.

American'ts are lazy, stupid, ignorant people who want everything handed to them without working for it. Although they live in America, they are not true Americans, because they lack the can-do attitude all the great Americans have. They are the assholes of America, think they're superior, and prove their douchebaggery with such things as the following:

I didn't make this, for I am an AmeriCAN.

I didn't make this, for I am an AmeriCAN.

Unfortunately the toxicity of American'ts appears to be on the rise. Some celebrities that are American'ts include (but not limited to): Shamwow guy, Nicolas Cage, and Steven Seagal.
Americans are the best Americans ever. They are the ones swelled with national pride, who are cool, smart, make lasting contributions to this spectacular country, ambitious, and honest. A few notable Americans are Fonzie, Thomas Edison, Captain America, Hank Hill, Benjamin Franklin, and Optimus Prime. Also the rest of the Autobots, although they aren't born-Americans, because they immigrated here from Cybertron. Ben Franklin was actually sort of a sleaze bag, so nevermind. Calvin Coolidge once said, "Patriotism is easy to understand in America; it means looking out for yourself by looking out for your country." Now there is an American! It's in his name even, Calvin Coolidge!


America can't let some certain people demolish our reputation, even though said people may be attractive, wealthy, or have cute smiles...

We're better than that, y'all.

You betcha!

Why America is the Best

America is a country that was founded upon freedom. We have amendments protecting those freedoms in our Constitution whose Preamble even comes with a nifty little song. In relation to being free, we are also a democracy and the right to vote give us the choice of who's going to fuck up our country or attempt to get it out of the fuckhole their predecessor left behind (and could also fail at that and wait for the next guy to try again).
Capitalism is most definitely the way to go. Socialism and communism suck a lot of dick. By being proud capitalists, we are able to be powered and motivated by our avarice and by being greedy pigs we can get to the top, and that's what America is about- beating the lazy people (American'ts) out to get to the top. With socialism, you can't win. Everything is equal, with no winners or losers. But that's okay, because then everything is fair and square! NO.
Aside from being capitalist and awesome, we're not totally full of ourselves and greedy. Since World War II, we have donated around $500 billion to other people. Go US for being generous! Some might say that America is bigoted and unfair. That is false. There are too many people trying to come here, and the fact that they're doing it illegally is NOT okay. That's showing that they're too lazy to become true, legal Americans, by mimicking the American'ts by taking the easy route instead of doing it honestly. Perhaps it's understandable though, as everyone wants to be in America because the U.S. is #1!

The French and the American Way

The American Way is to always blame the French. They are at fault for everything, no matter what. Also, they surrender like no other.