.......................... You know full well who he is
Starring: Megan Fox
The original was known for adding complexity to the character of the Monster-
-further pissing all over Mary Shelley's work-
Stirring in her grave
-and having a villain that was apparently flamboyantly gay, but today seems straighter than pre-movie SpongeBob.
He spent an entire episode trying to hook up with Sandy.
This was also the predecessor to the Son of Frankenstein, which is a sinful movie because the annoying kid who couldn't act survived the entire movie!
BAYING IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First off, the Monster would be stand fifty feet tall and shoot lasers.
"Did I ever see the- Jerry, it was on the motherfucking poster!"
The Monster would be shallow and two-dimensional, making him the deepest, most human character in the entire film.
Pictured: The most human characters in Michael Bay's films.
While we're on the topic of characters, Dr. Praetorious would remain flamboyantly homosexual, although there would be a slight cosmetic change.
Simultaneously being the most awesome and the most retarded change of all time.
The Bride would also be made earlier in the film, and no prizes for guessing who plays her.
Did you guess Scarlett Johansson? Dare to dream, my friend. Dare to dream.
Since Michael Bay has some penchant for that sort of thing, the Bride will run away and Praetorious will send her evil army of minions after her.
Hopefully they all look like this.
This will result in a battle in Berlin that none have yet witnessed.
Unless they've seen this movie.
Starring: Megan Fox
Dorothy is a girl growing up in Kansas. (Many Kansans have complained about Kansas being shown in black and white; this is actually just what Kansas looks like).
Suddenly, a tornado decides to attack an actual house-
This should shake things up
-and transports her to Technicolor Oz, which for some reason she sees as a bad thing.
Fuck, I miss Kansas
BAYING IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For one thing, the Munchkins will be even more evil-looking.
WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?
The Scarecrow would also be a racist black stereotype played by SpongeBob, and the Tin Woodsman would kick infinite ass.
Wait, did we list this as a bad thing?
Toto would also end up being some sort of magical guardian dog, and Dorothy would be played by-
I know, I know, the world is unfair.
The Witch would end up laying siege to the Emerald City.
She would play the Witch if there is any justice.
There would be lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTSSSSSSSSS of HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE explosions and if you can't tell, I'm writing this to pad out the section of the article.
Ok, so this is not TECHNICALLY a movie, but I ran out of good ideas (it happens, you know?) and I've decided to dedicate the rest of this section to cracking the mystery of why everyone finds Megan Fox so hot. People treat her like she's the greatest thing since sliced bread-
Which is so clearly not true!
-but, as I mentioned above, there are tons of chicks way hotter than her!
Please, explain this phenomenon to me in the comments section! When I've gathered sufficient enough information, I may one day return to this article. Until then.