Flannel Shirts

The flannel shirt is the official clothing of men. Wearing it sends a message to the world.... that you are able to kill lions with your bare hands while simultaneously satisfying women like an untamed sex-god.

Cunt Destroyer

Just The Facts

  1. In Australia, flannel is called "flanny"
  2. I find this to be an abomination. How dare they refer to flannel by such a sissy name like "flanny"?!
  3. heh.... flanny

Lumberjacks

Flannel is to lumberjacks what tight-fitting jeans is to emo kids. Many people assume that lumberjacks wear flannel to keep them warm in the cold mountain air, but the true story is much more magical. Lumberjacks were found worthy by the Flannel Gods and were awarded the Plaid Armor of Men. This grants them the ability to wield chainsaws with ease and chop through trees with one swing of a mighty axe.

And ride sharks

It's kinda like a Green Lantern thing, except with badassery instead of pussy ass jewelry.

Grunge Bands

How can you maintain the image of the American working man while not having a blue collar job? Grunge bands discovered that flannel was their gateway to self-confliction. The strategy of wearing flannel to falsely convey a blue collar identity is still in use and taken to bizarre extremes. (e.g. Larry the Cable Guy)

Rednecks

You may be wondering why I chose this picture over the countless other photos of rednecks in flannel. The answer is quite obvious. I have absolutely no idea what the fuck happened immediately before this photo was taken. This captivates me more than any aspect of current events. Did he throw his truck in the tree in a fit of Hulk-like rage? Did he park his truck over a small tree many years ago and forgot about it, only to return and find it suspended? Or did he just happen to see this on the side of the road and decided to take a photo while striking a pose that walks the line between "majestic" and "douche?" We may never know.

Rednecks are attracted to flannel like moths to light. We have no idea why. Perhaps it's written in their DNA to seek out plaid shirts, camouflage caps, and large belt buckles. Maybe it's an evolutionary trait to help locate each other. Wear flannel and a mullet so other members of your hillbilly tribe will identify you as a friend.

Scotsmen

16th century Scotland Highlanders somehow combined flannel with not wearing pants. This resulted in an explosion of badass in the form of the kilt. They were the first to see a piece of flannel cloth and say "I'm wearing that! Don't change a thing." They couldn't be bothered with pants. They were far too busy being awesome. Scottish activities include: wrestling, killing the British, and seeing how far you can throw a tree.

You thought I was fucking with you

But... you have to wonder. Can a man who costantly wears a skirt even after the invention of pants be considered manly?

Mother of God