The Greatest Music Videos (You've Probably Never Seen)

Have you ever stumbled upon a video that changed your life forever? Don't worry I'm not talking about the one with the 2 Brazilian chicks doing the "Chocolate-Penguin-Macarena" (a term I just made up hoping it catches on). This is about music videos.

Penguins throw up into each other's mouths. In case that joke confused you.

Just The Facts

  1. Chances are you've seen one of these videos before, or at least heard of the band
  2. There will be at least one person who claims to have seen all these videos before
  3. Don't be that guy. Fuck that guy

(7) Peacebone by Animal Collective

Taking inspiration from what I can only assume is Snow White, cheezy romance films, and tentacle-rape porn; Peacebone is one of those videos that....... I have no idea how to end this sentence.

Did you watch the video? Did you? Okay...... what the hell was going on? Was there some kind of metaphor to that or what?

(6) MOO by Cyriak

Cyriak is well known to the online geek community. So much so that his work appears late at night on Comedy Central for a few brief seconds in between commercial breaks. This is the kind of video you accidentally click on at 3:00 AM and makes you call in sick to work just so you can figure out what you just watched.

I DEMAND A SEQUEL

(5) Shut Me Up by Mindless Self Indulgence

When your music video has an elderly woman getting punched in the face within the first minute, you've instantly got my attention. And when the rest of the video involve throwing infants, random explosions and small puppets.... you've got my damn respect.

And it doesn't hurt when your video is directed by Jhonen Vasquez

Yeah.... that guy.

(4) Rubber Johnny

Ahhh, yes. Though not technically a music video, Rubber Johnny deserves to be here in his own right. Focusing heavily on the "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! KEEP IT AWAY FROM ME" genre of video, Rubber Johnny is a short film played to music by Aphex Twin. I've had this e-mailed to me dozens of times and never knew it was a music video until recently. My first reaction to seeing this thing was to quickly stop the video and block that person from my e-mail forever.

(3) Frontier Psychiatrist by The Avalanches

Remember that time you ate your mushrooms laced with LSD, stayed up for 2 days, went to visit your grandparents who just happen to live next to the American History Museum/ petting zoo and you were arrested for 2 accounts of disturbing the peace and 1 account sexual assault? You don't? Maybe this will jog your memory.

(2) White Wizzard

On the scale of metal, White Wizzard scores a 666/10

I find myself headbanging while trying to pay attention to the majesty of their music videos.

No man alive could decide which White Wizzard video to put on this list. So after a night of heavy drinking and a few games of Russian Roulette, I decided to do both.

Over The Top by White Wizzard

High Speed GTO by White Wizzard

(1) Burger Man by ZZ Top

Once in a lifetime do you see something so beautiful that you fall to your knees and cry. Combining every single item on the list of baddassery, ZZ Top sets the bar so high that the only band capable of reaching it... is ZZ Top. If you had to do a shot every time something awesome happened in this video, you'd be wasted before the end of the song.... even you were just drinking water. Were you drinking alcohol, you'd be dead before the guitar solo.