Dwight Schrute

Dwight "Danger" Schrute is always there when you least expect it, watching your every move, cataloging your every mistake, and visualizing a world where all things are Schrute.

Surfing porn in the workplace?  Your secret is safe.......for now.

Only one word can sum up The Schrute

The Schrute is strong with this one

Just The Facts

  1. Dwight is a Sales Rep for the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Paper Pimpin' is his business.
  2. Dwight is also a Beet Farmer and owns the Schrute Beet Farm. Beet Pimpin' on the side.
  3. Schrute Farms is the epicenter for Agritourism in Northeastern Pennsylvania. The farm is available for not only all of your beet needs, but it also serves as a bed and breakfast, and is available for weddings.
  4. Dwight is a former Volunteer Sherriff, is an expert in karate and will fuck you up if you mess with his paper/beets.
  5. Dwight drives a 1987 Pontiac Trans Am.
  6. Dwight is the Assistant to the Regional Manager, but often refers to himself as the Assistant Regional Manager.

Origins of a Schrute

Dwight Schrute is a character on the hit TV show, The Office. No, he doesn't really exist, but thousands of ball-point pen wielding asshats try to emulate Dwights level of douchbaggery every day in office environments all over the world. He is in fact one of the best salesmen at the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, but also lacks any personal skills, common sense, and has absolutely no sense of humor. In fact, the only joke he knows involves the tattoo of Snoopy on your Mom's ass.

Mr. Schrute comes from a long line of Schrutes', stemming all the way back from his Great-Grandfather, Dweide Shrute, who was Amish and didn't quite give a shit. His Amish roots hold him steadily to his owner-operated "Schrute Beet Farm", which also doubles as a "Bed and Breakfast". Dwight lives in an expansive farmhouse with his cousin Mose, and they sell their beets almost anywhere, to include restaurants, local stores, and a roadside beet stand. Whatever they do not sell however, are promptly stored in Jim Halpert's ass for the winter. Supposedly, there's plenty of room.

Insert Beets here.

Insert Beets here

"The Office" Etiquette

Whenever you're in an office environment it is a good idea to get along with your coworkers whenever possible. However, when dealing with Dwight Schrute it is nearly impossible. Jim believes that Dwight is the driving force for everything that is wrong/evil at the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company; and to combat this, Jim Halpert has taken it upon himself to fight back. Jim has incessantly attempted to thwart Dwight and most of his antics by:

1) Dressing up as Dwight and attempting (Poorly) to imitate him in an effort to take some of the eyes away from Jim's own, Borderline Homosexuality Disorder.

2) Staying late after work only to steal Dwight's Stapler, and then going home and spending valuable time not watching internet porn to encase said stapler in a bowl of Jell-O. Then coming in early to work and leaving the stapler in Dwight's desk drawer. In a futile attempt to somehow make Dwight angry (and maybe flirt a little).

3) Stealing Dwight's wallet and through performing a sexual favor (presumably), somehow gets his wallet into the company vending machine. Then offering Dwight a bag of nickels, so he can get it out.

Bill Cosby thinks Jim should be ashamed of himself

Loving the Schrute

How do you love a man who has no love to give? Ask Angela Martin, one of Dwight's coworkers at The Office. She's a lonely, skinny, frail, bitchy whore of a woman whose shrieking cacaphonic voice pierces the eardrums of all men in a two block radius. Plus, she loves cats.

Cracked Artist Depiction

Dwight and Angela have maintained a secret relationship since Season Two of the The Office. It has been mostly difficult to do this, in fact the only time you see them talking to each other is in the kitchen, where they stand facing different directions, and speak in code. This is reportedly so Jim and Pam won't catch on, but one day, Jim came out of the bathroom and saw them kissing. This supposedly sent Jim into a fit of tears, because Jim has never witnessed a man and woman performing such an unnatural act. Jim subsequently spent the rest of Season Two under his desk, crying and listening to Adam Lambert on his iPod.

Little Known Facts

In and episode called "Valentine's Day", Angela gave Dwight a special present. This present was a bobble head doll in his exact likeness, which Dwight proudly displayed on his desk for all to see. In lieu of this episode the show's fans petitioned NBC to sell the bobble head on their website. And NBC in their infinite wisdom and greed decided to oblige this request. You can now find the Dwight Schrute Bobble Head doll on NBC.com and Amazon.com.

To woman Diamonds are Forever, but to men it's Bobble Heads.

In the Halloween episode Jim and Pam obviously jealous at Dwight's success in paper purveying, uploaded his "Resume" to Monster, Craigslist, and Google. So following in the footsteps of the bobble head doll, NBC producers actually uploaded Dwight's resume to Monster.com. It can be found by employers who search the Scranton, Pennsylvania area. The resume states:

1) Willing to relocate to another state.

2) Wants a salary close to $30,000 a year.

3) Desires the Job Title of Regional Manager

4) Current Job Title is the Assistant to the Regional Manager.

5) Has a Bachelors Degree.

6) "My time spend at Dunder Mifflin was very enjoying. I had the opportunity to learn from an experienced and talented boss. My branch consistently was one of the top sellers of the company.

7) "Jim is a fag."

On the May 7th, 2008 episode of the The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Jon McCain joked that Dwight Schrute would be his vice presidential candidate choice. The actor who plays Dwight, Rainn Wilson appeared on The Tonight Show the next week, and read to Jay Leno a list of demands from Dwight in exchange for being vice president.

1) The ability to pilot Air Force One at his will and to be referred to only as "Iceman" while doing so.

2) Jack Bauer is promoted to Secretary of Defense.

3) His presidential bunker come equipped with a foosball table, and that it is "Zombie Proof."

4) Secret Service Members be armed with nunchucks, throwing stars, and flamethrowers.

5) In conclusion he demanded a flamethrower of his own, an Iron Man suit, and his old boss Michael Scott be the official Ambassador to Hawaii.

Excerpt from Michael Swaim's "Personal" Archives

Dwight Schrute The Legend

Dwight Schrute has the unique ability to piss off anyone who comes around him, and somehow, he is fiercely loyal when he needs to be. He is the top salesman at Dunder Mifflin, second only to Michael the Regional Director. The Dwight character has been held in high regard by many fans of The Office and millions of people tune in to see him terrorize the rest of the cast (especially Jim). He drives his 1987 Pontiac Trans Am like a bat out of hell, and does surprisingly well with the ladies, but he only has eyes for Angela. Dwight even maintained a behind the scenes relationship with Angela while she was planning her wedding with another man. She just couldn't get enough of "The Schrute." He has cornered the beet market in Pennsylvania with his entrepreneurial skills, and opens his home as a bed and breakfast. He has a purple belt in Karate, and is an expert with weapons, often hiding them around the office so he can get to them quickly.

His nemesis Jim has always been trying to bring him down. Jealous of Dwight being promoted to "Assistant to the Regional Manager", he has constantly attempted to make Jim look bad, by sabotaging him professionally. But as the saying goes "You can't keep a good man down", and neither will that latent homosexual, and his butch lesbian boyfriend "Jan".

Dwight is such a badass that you should never turn your back on him, and if you did, he'd still be able to kick you in the nuts. He's the reason you don't want to get out of bed in the morning, and why our always late to work on Mondays. He's like getting kicked in the balls and not being able to fall down. If you bit your tongue, Dwight is the metallic taste in your mouth. When your an old man, he's the one standing on your lawn. He's the one who laughs when old people fall down and enjoys the sound hips make when they shatter. Remember when your girlfriend said "I just want to be friends"? Dwight did that. Want to know why your Mom doesen't call you on your birthday? Just ask Dwight Schrute!

"I'm a Paper Pimp Bitch! That's what I do, that's how I roll"

Dwight "Pimpin" Schrute