When you think of the kids in your different stages of school, there are always a few types that really stick out in your memory. I present to you the progression of these weirdos throughout the years.

Just The Facts

  1. You are required by law to attend school until you are 18 years old.
  2. If you don't wish to continue school after that than you are required by your manager to scrub the urinals twice a day.
  3. School is like the Cold War: We all went through it, it was boring as hell, and now we are better people for it.
  4. School is nothing like the Cold War.


Everyone had a somewhat similar experience through most of the early years of school (except home schooled kids but not even God counts them). In elementary school no one really cared about your personality, as long as you enjoyed playing a rousing game of "guns" you were good enough to hang out with. In middle school you started to see the introduction of cliques. You also start to see kids being bigger assholes than they ever have before. Don't get me wrong, in elementary there was teasing and the occasional fat kid cried on the teacher's lap but nothing major or life changing. In middle school though, you saw teasing that would make Guantanamo Bay inmates shit their burlap sacks. The natural order of things in middle school, as in politics, is if you make others look bad, you look good in comparison. Once this was realized by those squishy pubescent minds, everything went to shit.

God help us.

It got so bad that anti-bullying campaigns were issued in schools across the country. Bullies everywhere thought twice before they beat the shit out of a handicapped kid again.

This all settled down a bit in high school. Cliques decintigrated and new groups rose but there was less of a middle eastern tribal war feel to them. There was a dynamic shift from middle school to high school where the main goal went from not being the lowest in the social food chain to doing whatever it took to get laid for the first time. People forgot for the most part about making fun of one another because they were much more focused on leaving their first woman unsatisfied.

Once in college people completely forgot about cliques and bullying because, frankly, no one gave a shit about you or anything you did. It is here you had to try to salvage the people who gave a small percentage of a shit what you did so you didn't die of loneliness. These people were called friends and often times these are the same friends you will have your whole life. College is also the closest you will come to being homeless (unless you are a philosophy major).

Overall, school is a sick jungle where 60% of what you learn is only necessary for advancing to the next grade, after that you can forget it and save room for Justin Bieber lyrics and other important things.