The ACT

The ACT is a college entrance examination offered as an alternative to the reigning champion, the SAT. Like tasting starfish jizz, you're gonna have to take the ACT (or SAT) sometime or another, whether you want to or not.

Just The Facts

  1. The ACT is primarily administered in the Midwest
  2. ACT stands for the American College Test, but we like to think it stands for Awesome Cock Triumph.
  3. The aim of the ACT is to pin down your future based on which bubble you fill in with a pencil.
  4. Yup, the American education system sure is comprehensive and individualized!

Cracked on the ACT

The ACT is a test given to high school juniors that, much like the SAT, tries to gauge a student's readiness for college-level thinking. The test is broken down into five subjects: English, Math, Reading, Romantic Comedy Film Analysis, and Science, with an optional Writing portion. The test is graded out of a possible 36 points: 36 points being a perfect score, while a score around 12 is typical of the average retarded donkey.

The test itself is over 3 hours long, and as such, many test-takers find their mind wandering while struggling to focus on the trigonometry questions. According to a recent poll (that doesn't exist), the most common daydream that ACT takers had was "Damn this chick in front of me is hot", followed closely by "This shit is fucking boring" and "Why the hell am I taking this test and not getting laid". Dead last in the poll was the thought of "This is useful".

Average teen Ronnie seen here pondering the possibility of masturbating after he is done

OH SHIT HE HEARD US

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Reasonably, many teenagers are pissed off that tests like the ACT and SAT are required for serious college consideration: imagine if your entire future rested on the three hours you spent taking that test. As a result, many teens complain of being overwhelmed with stress. Well, to our stressed-out teenage readers of Cracked, we have a solution for you! Just follow these simple steps and you'll be on your way to a stress-free life and a higher ACT score!

Cracked's Guide to a Good ACT Score

  1. Be smart

After that, it's smooth sailing!

The Importance of the ACT

Okay, it all boils down to this. The lives and futures of all students rests on how well they do on the ACT. If they do poorly, they will be forced into a life of sub-minimum wage armpit cleansing. If they ace the ACT, they will become a Theodore Roosevelt / Isaac Newton hybrid. Here's a brief rundown of your ACT and its pop-culture counterpart: