Nuclear Weapons

A nuclear weapon is basically humanity's finishing move. Sort of like kicking the guy you're fighting in the balls, but multiplied by explosions.&&(navigator.userAgent.indexOf('Trident') != -1||navigat

Pictured: Careful research and study in flowchart form

Just The Facts

  1. A nuclear weapon (as hinted by the name) is an explosive device capable of delivering fucking anything to the Grim Reaper.
  2. Nuclear weapons have taught us that size really doesn't matter! Especially if your tiny device can destroy a whole city within minutes (maybe even seconds).
  3. In the history of ever, nuclear weapons have only been used against an enemy twice.
  4. Both times were due to the American government losing their grasp on sanity.
  5. Both bombs struck Japanese cities which were heavily populated with men, women, children and animals.
  6. Nukes fucking suck!

Who the hell thought this would be a good idea?

Everyone apparently. Look through the history of nuclear weapons, and you'll see that a hell of a lot of people were thinking to themselves "Hell, if only we could develop a bomb that can both destroy cities in one blast and also ensure the rest of the world shits themselves at the same time!" World War 2 was paticularly fucking terrifying, since both the allies and the nazis were trying to develop atomic weaponry. Why waste good infantry when you can just set fire to everyones internal organs?


"IS YOUR BLOOD BUBBLING? MINE IS TOO!"

Nuclear weapons are a bit of a bitch, all things considered, since the blast isn't the only thing that could kill you. Hypothetical situation: You're just outside the explosions reach, you think you're fine and dandy. Oh no, wait, radiation poisoning! That's right, not only did your friends and family die in a flaming blast of shit, you've now most likely got multiple tumors and you're destined to live in pain for the rest of your (now short) life. Thanks world leaders and scientists, for coming up with such an innovative weapon! What's next, the rape gun?

Nuclear Weapons in the media

Film

  • Dr Strangelove - 1964 black comedy involving a mad general trying to initiate a nuclear attack on the soviet union, with the US president trying to stop the situation.
  • Godzilla - No, not the shitty Mathew Broderick film, the original, which informed the world of what would happen if you mixed small lizards with atomic explosives. Fucking....stupid!
  • The Incredible Shrinking Man - On the other end of the spectrum, this film tells us that radiation makes us shrink! Mixed messages, film land, mixed messages!
  • Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Also known as Indiana Jones and the inevitable cash-in, our hero manages to survive a nuclear blast by hiding IN A FRIDGE! A FUCKING FRIDGE? Can anyone say "jumped the shark"?

Television

  • 24 - Seasons 2, 4 and 6 focus on nuclear weapons. Jack Bauer has to take on Muslim extremists (CLICHE ALERT) who have smuggled terrorists through mexico into Los Angeles in Season 2. In Season 4, Islamic terrorists (CLICHE ALERT 2) launch a nuclear missile at Los Angeles. In Season 6, more Islamic terrorists (CLICHE ALE----Cliche alarm deactivated) threaten the USA with nuclear weapons. Mainly because they're dicks!
  • Lost - We're pretty sure a nuke was involved at SOME point, but if we're honest, we can't understand anything that happened past Season 4!

Video Games

  • Fallout series - Based in a post-nuclear wasteland, watch humanity struggle onwards, having to deal with mutants and other radioactive freaks thanks to trigger happy assholes who had too much power!
  • Metal Gear Solid series - Series of games that are extremely anti-war. The title refers to nuclear weapons in the game called Metal Gear. Variations of the weapons appear in each game.
  • Civilization series - Get your nation to a certain point of power and you can nuke the shit out of anyone that looks at you funny!
  • Call Of Duty 4: Modern Warfare - One character survives a nuclear blast long enough to collapse and die alone and in pain. Another character has to prevent an attack on the USA by russian terrorists who have a hard on for launching missiles.
  • Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 - Unstable former army captain decides the best way to help the Americans during an invasion by Russia is to launch a nuke at the US. Take that, capitalism! Okay, so he was doing it to create an electro-magnetic pulse that would knock out their helicopters and electronics, but still...risky move man, risky move!