If you are one of the fortunate few who are of Northern European descent, you will be familiar with the Old Gods. If not, check out brat-halla at the end of the article. And despair at your puny religions attempt at Gods.
The All Father, and king of the gods. Pretty much ignores mortals as less than dogshit on his boot unless they are fighting, so a bit like most hockey fans. Traded an eye for wisdom - which was not exactly a bright move for a warrior god. It really didn't work - he then hung himself from the world tree for 9 days and threw Mirmir's head into the well of souls as additional sources of wisdom. This guy was really hooked on education.
Known and derided by comic fans everywhere for his nancy boy hairdo.
Odin's long suffering and nagging wife. Although a total bitch, she is the only Norse goddess still regularly prayed to by Christians. What - you don't pray for Friday?
Look. We like jokes, probably more than average. Especially dick jokes. But a Jokester God? Sign us up now.
She rules Helheim, the realm of the worthless dead. Reputed to be incredibly sexy and ice cold, a bit like that bitch at the prom. The origin of the saying "Hel has no fury like a woman scorned." and indeed the Christian Hell.
You know the Fates that the Greeks invented? They got bored of olive oil, sheep and heat and moved north. Even Odin has to obey them - hold on, God has a mother in law?
The world tree, the hub on which the 9 worlds turn. If this scenario reminds you of The Dark Tower - we are not exactly shocked.
The only Norse legends with a truly kickass and instantly recognisable theme tune. Their job is to snatch the souls of fallen warriors, or women who die in childbirth, and take them to Valhalla. Since they are the idea woman - bat winged, carnivorous and weighing nothing, they can use the Bifrost Bridge.
Odin's mount - an 8 legged horse that can gallop between the nine worlds. Born after Loki got fucked by a stallion on a bet - oy! stop fucking giggling. We have all made mistakes when we were drunk.
The Frost Giants