Free Running

Well summer's on the way, and how better to enjoy the weather than by climbing up a building like a monkey on speed and spitting in the face of gravity before finding inventive ways to hurl yourself at walls, fuck it up and kiss some pavement?

Guys, come back and unglue my hands. This shit isn't funny.

Just The Facts

  1. Free running is an offshoot of the "extreme sport" Parkour.
  2. Basically, seemingly normal looking people take it upon themselves to leap from rooftop to rooftop like uncostumed superheroes / lemmings. They call themselves "Traceurs." Everyone else calls them insane.
  3. It's also responsible for some hilarious videos featuring idiots giving themselves brain damage.

A History of Free Running in the electronic media.


Invented in the 1980s by David Belle, Parkour (and Free Running) can best be described as people leaping, spinning and, funnily enough, running like a 3 legged hamster in a spin dryer. With a similar chance of splatting into a window or getting stuck in a pipe.

K Swiss promo

"SHIT DUDE! WHERE ARE MY FUCKING LEGS???"

Seen in many action films (even Bond did a spot of Parkour in Casino Royale FFS) most notably in District 13 which dealt with one man's fight to save his sister from kidnappers. And his legs from compression fractures and dislocated kneecaps.

Free Running Landing

You can't see his ruptured knee cartilage COS IT'S IN FUCKING ORBIT!!!

Free Running has been a staple ingredient of many games since 2003's Prince of Persia: The sands of time, and has reappeared in games such as Mirror's Edge, Assasin's Creed 1 & 2. And basically anything involving a ninja/assassin/ninja assassin.

Wedgies were a lot more brutal in Renaissance Venice.

Oh, and even a couple of superhero games have got in on the act. Spiderman 2, 3, web of shadows etc.. Infamous, Prototype, even the motherfucking HULK!!!!

Hulk goes for a run

"HULK... IMPRESS... LADIES..."

This trend of freerunning games is set to continue with yet another Prince of Persia game due soon, as well as True Crime : Hong Kong, which could well be the closest thing to a playable (surprise) Hong Kong action film we've seen to date, which frankly leaves me dizzy with anticipation.

TRICKING

For those people who don't think that bouncing around like a demented ping pong ball on the roofs of buildings is quite impressive enough there's always Tricking. As you can see, this martial art revolves around leaping into the air like a cat being shot by a BB gun whilst it was licking its balls, and spinning kicks that look like the combatants have been impaled rectally on an electric whisk.

tricking pic

"BRIAN!! TURN IT OFF!!! BRIIIIIAAAN!!!"

In conclusion then...

For me, the best thing about Parkour is that it gives the same sense of satisfaction when you watch the superhuman displays of gymnastic perfection as it does watching stupid teenage cock-holes smash their faces off of hard things. And again here. To be fair, the second clip should have worked. IF HE WAS A FUCKING MONKEY!