Lady Gaga is a hilariously incompetent robot, much like the bumbling droid C3PO from the Star Wars series. However, she differs from C3PO in that she is making a clumsy attempt at world domination. Her lyrics can be classified into three categories:
Lesbians have no time for that shit.
Now that the mystery of her popularity is cleared up, we must address Lady Gaga's dark secret: she is not human. That's not autotune you're hearing... it's automaton (rimshot). This is clear once you learn how to recognize the signs of a machine walking among us.
The most obvious giveaways are, of course, her erratic behavior and bizarre clothing:
...But there's no need to go into any great detail on that topic, as it has already been addressed by leading research institutions, several books, and even hundreds of DIY Barbie dolls.
Lady Gaga is no more alive than this unsettlingly accurate representation of her.
The ludicrous attacks on her gender are also telling. They're almost as ubiquitous as her dreadful music, and quite as poorly-written. Queueing up any of her songs on YouTube will thrust you right into the center of the debate, as the comments invariably hold insight on the topic presented by today's greatest minds. For example, one user writes:
"Are you peoples fucking kidding me lady gaga is a fucking man. His name should eigther be man gaga or not really a girlgirl."
But every rumor has to start somewhere, and the origins of this one are puzzling. Judging by the photos I've seen, she's at least passably feminine. In fact, if I didn't know that beneath that suspiciously smooth skin, cold, heartless machinery is whirring and scheming, I'd almost be tempted to call her pretty.
If there's a cock in this picture, then Monsieur Gaga is the master of tucking.
If nothing else, her appearance certainly doesn't stand out as manly in a world of Hilary Swanks and Rosie O'Donnells.
Yes, some have linked the talk of cock to Lady Gaga's intimate relationship with the gay community. But really, this can't