herpes

Genital herpes is a viral sexually transmitted disease that causes intermittent inflamed sores on the genitals. And the worst part, there is no fucking cure. Its also one hell of a party favor.

The origins of the disease has been traced back to this man....

Looks like we are getting close, the herpes just left the hospital on crotches.

Paris Hilton can set you up with a set of these bad boys.

Just The Facts

  1. 19% of the US population is infected with herpes.
  2. Herpes is the Greek god of knitting.
  3. Diamonds are forever, and so are Herpes.

Its all fun and games until someone gets herpes

Oh no! I got the herpes, what can I do? Well take solace my friend, if you got herpes off of a partner who is wealthy, you can sue the pants off of them (subsequently revealing their cold sore ridden genitalia). In 1986, Michelle Tish Carter sued Robin Williams for $6.2 million (I would inject herpes into my own scrotum for that kind of money) and the case was settled out of court.

Heres the article: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?sec=health&res=9E0CE2DF153FF93AA3575BC0A964958260&n=Top%2fReference%2fTimes%20Topics%2fPeople%2fW%2fWilliams%2c%20Robin

Also, you can take solace in the number of well known celebrities that have this lifetime companion. The list includes Paris Hilton (Duh), Michael Vick, Orlando Bloom, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba (I would get the herps for that), and anything that has ever touched Derek Jeter.

On a more disturbing note, the increasing trends of herpes tends to be rising fastest in the elderly population. In nursing homes, with the technological advances in penis pills and sexual stimulants, the old folks have nothing better to do than huff and puff their way to an orgasm that might just push them over the edge of a heart attack. The reason why the disease is spreading so fast is back in the olden days, when they had to walk uphill bothways, apparently they did not have any fucking rubbers.

Holy shit grandma, what are you doing?!

So the moral of the story is, keep a hazmat suit on your penis when fucking prostitutes or Derek Jeter. You don't want to catch the wild herps.