You are what you have eaten. What you eat you will be. Every organelle of every cell in your body began as food in your mouth. What your mommy ate (or the scientists poured in the hopper) gave you a start. What they fed you, you can take up in court.

It can be all so simple. With apologies to the Wu-Tang.

Just The Facts

  1. Bread is the food of slavery.
  2. Meat will set you free.
  3. Vegans tell me the lifestyle can make you poo your pants.

Ritual Self Abuse

What you may consider your traditional diet is actually ritual self abuse. I'm a lay it out, seen?

Ritual. Google's define: operator defines "ritual" as something you do because that's what you and your people do. Nobody's really thinking about it because it is what it is. Here's a religious belief for you: "a Calorie is a Calorie," i.e. 1500 Calories of donut = 1500 Calories of spinach because it all burns the same in that furnace I somehow missed in biology class.

Self. Most people make choices when they feed themselves, even if only from among a set that the choices of another has already limited. Most people hurt so bad when they bite the hand that feeds, because it is also the hand that wanks. Children, of course, require instruction in such cultural practices.

Abuse. If you drive a car, it probably takes a certain kind of fuel, like diesel or unleaded, and definitely not water. If you try to put a Super Nintendo game in the Xbox, whoever's Xbox it is will knock you out. Now take something as complicated as the cell and bombard it with crap Jah never intended it to see. It's no wonder we see the temple that is the human body lying in ruins.

Evolution and Creation

Nutrition is one place where it doesn't matter where you stand on the origins of the species. Either Someone set us up the body for the environment, or the Body set us up itself in the environment. What a miracle that we know we're here at all, just to piss it all away chuckling our nuts off at the funny internet. We can all agree that the throwdown began in Africa, long before a man ever supped on marshmallow spread and ice cream on two-inch toast with margarine and a fat sack of factory-seasoned nacho chips.


We started out eating the things you would expect to find naked and alone on earth, cast out of paradise: any animal or plant that didn't kill us. In those days, the only now-familiar flavors were meaty deliciousness, fruit and berry goodness, and vegetables. The need for fruit and berries would seriously come back to bite us in the ass.

Agriculture. Someone, probably a lousy hunter or just one douchebag nobody wanted to hunt with, was munching on a grain and wondering how he was going to feed himself and his extended family of lousy-hunting no-account douchebags. He chewed his wad of saliva and ground cereal some more, spat it into his hand, and called to his wife. He convinced her to eat it. She suggested they dry it with fire to keep dirt from sticking to it.

Technology improved until the tribe of douchebags systematically refined the process for sustaining life with pre-digested cereal paste. Some called it bread.This allowed the tribe to build cities, establish government, and overrun the world. On their way, they discovered they could cultivate and refine sugar, which is to fruit and berries as cocaine to mild compliments on your newly separate eyebrows.

Industrialization and modernization. The true beginning of the rise of the machines was the Industrial Revolution. Obviously this meant more and more bread and sugar, cheaper and cheaper. Soon we were refining vegetable oil, which gives us double the jollies we'd get from healthier, costlier sources of fat, and none of the benefits. Throw in nuclear-age knowhow and here we are: just seconds away from an intense physiological fix.

Grain Is Bad M'Kay

1. Grains are energy-rich and nutrient-poor. When the body breaks apart the starches in edible grass, it unleashes the force of dozens of molecules of glucose--pure body energy, and the brain's only energy source. For all that, grains give the body relatively little actually to do anything with. Meanwhile, their hollow calories take up gut real estate where blueberries, broccoli, and salmon should go.

2. Grains have antinutrient properties. First among the antinutrients in grain are phytates, the principal storage form of phosphorus in plant tissues (especially seeds like grains). Animals that chew cud can suck the goodness out of phytates thanks to the micro-organisms that live in their forestomachs. In humans who lack a forestomach, phytates bind to minerals and prevent their absorption. Protease inhibitors in grain keep your protease enzymes from taking the amino acids out of the protein in your diet. Amino acids fill out the proteins your body's cells need to work. To inhibit these cuts down the supply of raw material your body needs to rebuild and stay healthy.

3. Grains put stress on your body. Each serving blasts your blood with glucose and insulin. If you also put refined sugar into yourself, you take the hit twice as hard. Grains upset the levels of insulin, the hormone that regulates carbohydrate metabolism on the cellular level. This leads to insulin resistance. The "diseases of civilization" are largely diseases of insulin resistance: obesity, coronary heart disease, adult-onset diabetes, and high blood pressure.

But U.S.A. Government Tells Us to Strive to Eat Cereal Grain

That's right. Get "On the Grain Train" with five to ten ounces a day, says Uncle Sam. You'll be hard pressed to find a reason why. The best you might discover is that people don't eat enough fruit to meet their need for fiber. If it's anything like Canada's food guide, the real reason cereal grains are mandatory is that people already believe they are mandatory, just because they have never lived without bread.

Obviously the government cannot face the masses and say, "Stop eating the cheapest, densest source of sustenance. You know the one that loads your blood with glucose and makes you feel high? Yeah, it's totally wound up in your culture from breakfast cereal to dinner rolls, but we don't care if you elect us again, so we're putting a stop to this." But that doesn't mean they couldn't.

Count Nutrients, not Calories

I'm not going to tell you how to eat. If you had an orchard of apples, a field of cattle, and a field of broccoli, I think you would be set for life. Just remember that nutrition has to do with nutrients. Nutrients go into your body and do things. Those links are just two examples. There are millions more. If you don't get the balance right, things go haywire.

The Last Word

It would appear that malnutrition in the overfed (i.e. the state of being overweight or obese) causes

  • cardiovascular disease
  • hypertension
  • type 2 diabetes
  • high-risk total cholesterol concentrations
  • osteoporosis, osteopenia, and osteoporotic hip fractures, and
  • cancer

But whatev's, right? Pass me them chipsesses.


oolor loves you humans