Bong

Bongs are large, unnecessary smoking paraphernalia used by overzealous teenage stoners. Because smoking a joint is not enough, they decide to go down on this phallic tube like an enthusiastic auditionee for Chitty Chitty Gang Bang.

Even Star Wars fans can realise their fantasy of sucking Yoda's bald head.

Samuel L Jackson was quick to accept the part

British Spy Austin Powers advertises his bong

Just The Facts

  1. Teenagers enjoy bongs because they can blow bubbles, reminding them of their deluded childhood
  2. Bongs are the safest way to smoke as no ash is inhaled
  3. Many bongs are made with kick-ass designs on them like dragons, waffles and guns
  4. The worlds biggest bong was in Mongolia, boasting as the countries tallest building for 2 years until its collapse in 1492
  5. Contrary to subsequent article persuasion, bongs are fucking quality

History of the Bong

The word Bong in Thai means "Bamboo water-pipe for smoking shit". However, from studying anglo-Chinese cave paintings it has become clear that the history of the bong dates back to early 2nd Century BC. Taiwanese natives used Rigor Mortis Possum carcasses as a tool for smoking, as the entry passages to the animal created a comfortable seal around the makeshift tobacco cases. The smoke from the animal not only got the natives blazed, but it helped them coexist with killer acid-spewing wasps who also shared the island.Early example of a Possum bong

Bongs in Western Culture

Since photos arised of Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps going down on a bong, sales have made a turn for the worse in the US. Looking like George Bush's genetically modified child and with the distant face to match, Phelps has helped to single handedly tackle the bong market.Michael Phelps diagram

In the UK, laws on Bongs used for Cannabis are strict. Although being caught in possession carries only a mild result (confiscation, £80 fine on second offence) finding a Bong on your person can make things much more serious.