Lingerie

The foundation garments of a successful sexual relationship. And if you think this topic is an excuse to show scantily clad females, you would be 100% correct.&&(navigator.userAgent.indexOf('Trident')

For those with no clue - knickers are women's pants.

The weapons of her warfare.

Casual day at the office just got real.

Just The Facts

  1. Men like women in lingerie. It short circuits the brain and makes thinking even more impossible than normal.
  2. Lingerie is a hugely popular Valentines present - and usually at least one size too small.
  3. Women find most lingerie incredibly uncomfortable, but put up with it for the extra 2.4 minutes of sex.
  4. IF he can hold his load as far as the nearest flat surface.
  5. Back in the day, the Sears catalogue lingerie section was the nearest thing to porn you could get without stealing your fathers stash.

The Appeal of Lingerie

Do you really need to ask?

Lingerie appeals to the visual aspect of the male sex drive, by shaping, concealing, and revealling in an unexpected way. Men are relatively simple creatures - if it looks decent, they'll fuck it. If it doesn't, they'll fuck it, then feel cheap.

For women, the appeal is in the self confidence of looking and feeling good, and being able to lead a man round by his massively extended .... eyeballs.

Obviously, we are talking two completely different sets of undergarments here.

Bras

Some need help in this department

Others need seriously over engineered restraints.

Coming firmly under the heading of false advertising, bras lift, separate and, most importantly, enhance what a lady has. Even if she doesn't need it. Gone are the days when a girl needed a box of Keenex per cup. Now all she needs are additional pads or a tire pump.

Just use the built in pads! Unless you have allergies or are watching a chick flick.

Knickers

Thongs - not for everyone

Knickers, that fine English word for womans pants, come in a range of styles, materials, and auto wedgies. Most of which are exquisitely uncomfortable, and inappropriate for anyone above a size 4.

Clue time - if you wish to wear knickers, do it with jeans. Skirt, sans knickers, is instant Viagra for both sexes. If it is a short skirt, it is instant viagra for onlookers too.

Co-ordinating sets

A perfectly matched pair

Women, being women, like shit to match. Similar to the whole "the drapes don't go with the rug" thing, they love buying matching sets of tit hammocks and pants. Little do they reallise - men don't give a flying fuck if they match. We only have two eyes, and can only concentrate on one bit at a time.

Nightwear

Stained glass. Making shit classy since 1300.

For some reason, probably the whole "bang me til I scream while wearing this" fantasy, nightwear is included in lingerie. It is rarely suitable for purpose, either ripping far to easily in the throes of passion or, more usually, being the visual equivalent of a male contraceptive, AKA bedsocks.

Dreaming pleasant dreams of Woody Allen and Michael Jackson. While wearing bedsocks.

Corsets

Well - she doesn't eat anyway.

Corsets were invented by a sadist in the early 16th century, in a valiant attempt to make the rotund hausfrau retain the shape she had at 13. Known to be crippling, the corset played a big part in one of the earliest satires on the horrors of fashion - Guy de

String Theory. Not just for physicists.

Getting Odd Here

They even do sets for Greek girls

Lingerie, being pretty much a sex toy, comes in all fetishes, from the sad but relatively harmless

Latex. Fits like a glove, removes like duct tape.

To the "get that shit away from me!"

Some women will do anything for attention during the World Cup

Buying this stuff for the love in your life is fun and playful. A bit of a laugh. But you will be judged by the bubblegum chewing, slightly moronic girl behind the cash desk. Severely. Especially if your lady is a similar size to yourself.

And punished for your extreme lack of taste

Thanks to:

Jaydog888 for the kickass image

To the incredibly oversexed, probably virginal and (invariably) witty idiots on #cracked for captioning help.