Sue Sylvester

Sue Sylvester is the cheerleading coach on American TV show Glee. She is also hell in semi-human form.

Sue, if given the chance.

Just The Facts

  1. Sue Sylvester is Jane Lynch's character on the American TV show, Glee
  2. She is the coach for the well funded cheerleadering group, the Cheerios.
  3. She is also proof that being mean to children is funny.

Facts About Sue (That She Claims Are True)

(Spoilers from here on.)

- She is living with hepatitus.
- And lupus.
- And scolosis.
- She has no uterus.
- She has been waterboarded.
- She was named cheerleading coach of the decade by Splits magazine.
- She can vomit on demand.
- She has a spot on television called Sue's Corner.
- Which she uses to promote littering and the reintroduction of caning.
- And sneaky gay awareness.
- She doesn't trust men with curly hair.
- She hates Will Schuester with a burning passion.
- She will do anything to win, or to get them to cancel Glee Club.
- This includes leaking their set list to their competition.
- She knows where to get date rape drugs.
- Her parents were nazi hunters.
- She is 29.
- Madonna is her idol.

This photo is proof of the last two points.

A Softer Side?

Sue has occasionally displayed a slightly softer side- especially when dealing with her younger sister. Sue's sister has Downs Syndrome, and as a result is living in a care home. Sue vists her sister often, and really does love her. She even lets a Downs Syndrome girl join The Cheerios in rare sweet moment.

It is also revealed the reason Sue makes fun of Will's hair so much is because, as children, her and her sister tried to bleach Sue's hair.

Using ammonia and napalm.

This left her hair so damaged, she can only wear it short. This brief moment showed both Sue's sentimental side, and her self doubting side. This was a giant heap of Not Okay, but a few minutes later, this came along and remedied it:


Cracked On Sue Sylvester

If Glee is embracing the inner gay, then Sue is embracing the inner bitch. She's like your old gym teacher, your mom and the 14 stone girl from 10th grade who could physically lift other children into the air one handed smushed together. With a bit of dominatrix thrown in if you like that kind of thing.

Even grown men are afraid of her. And who wouldn't be, with threats like:

'I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your home, and punch you in the face."

Almost worth it.