Cirque du Freak

Cirque du freak is a book about lots of Vampire unsex. But not the gay kind. There's also a child vampire. Also a circus of freaks. They don't appear much.

Not the typical vampire.

The Bearded lady; a freak. Not pictured: Beard

Just The Facts

  1. It's about a boy who becomes a vampire by being an asshole to his friends and family
  2. He lives with a circus of freaks with his vampire mentor.
  3. Not the gay kind of vampire.
  4. First book in a series of 12 books. Not the gay kind of books.

Not twilight

Being the first book there is very little action and alot of who gives a shittery. The first half of the book is about a circus of freaks, they all have a bunch of weird ass abillitys. Life has made some generally assholes. Except to vampires their kool. The main character 'Darren Shan' steals a spider and thefore must become a vampire. His best friends also wanted in after reading seeing twilight. However he can't because his blood type is Ab. So he vows to become a vampire hunter. Also an asshole. But not the gay kind.

Circus of freaks

The titular circus of freaks contains a variety of weird ass people who were shunned by society for being too damn weird. Even that guy with the warts thinks they're losers. Highlights of the freaks include

Mr Larten Crepsley
The vampire who seduces cons a young boy into becoming a vampire, he can also play the flute too control a super spider which is gay and awesome.

Evra Von
The snakeboy and later, man. He is the best friend of Darren. Suspected to be gay but later has snake babies. One of them dies creating the spin off Snakes on a plane.

Merla Von
The wife (but not in this book) of Evra. She and throw her ears like a boomerang. The least intresting and most useless of the freaks.

Rhamus Twobellies
He has two bellies and parents that had a retarded sense of naming. Can presumably eat a tank. I call bullshit. Also a fatty.

The bearded lady Salma fucking hayek bitches.

Cormac Limbs
Can regrow his limbs which is epic.

The rest
Minor characters no one cares about