Professional Gaming

So you want to be a professional athlete but possess the physique of McLovin. Fear not, for hope lies in the world of professional gaming. But is becoming the next Mark McGwire of Halo really all it’s cracked up to be?

Just The Facts

  1. Some South Korean professional gamers have netted an annual income of over $470,000 in a country where the average annual income is roughly $16,000.
  2. Many professional gamers report an avid following of fans and groupies.
  3. In most cases, honing the skills required to perform at the professional level takes years of practice.
  4. Top real time strategy competitors can exceed over 400 actions per minute, which includes actions such as selecting objects or issuing orders.

The Spoils of Professional Gaming

In South Korea, a successful professional gamer is on par with a rock star, including all the perks and niceties that go along with that such as wealth, fame and adoring fans.

"I'll show you how to work a joystick big boy"

Turns out, only about 5% of professional gamers earn over a six figure income and less than 1 in 3 are able to support themselves off gaming alone. Perhaps this is why 11 South Korean pros were recently charged in a Black Sox-esce scandal of throwing StarCraft matches for some extra cash on the side, and why most American gamers need a supplemental income from a day job, or mom.

However, armed with the manual dexterity of Rachmaninoff and the perserverence of porn star (we use that term lightly) John Wayne Bobbitt, you persist.

Breaking Into Professional Gaming

So, you've just finished watching The Wizard and think to yourself "Hey, that traumatized kid won a gaming tournament, so can I!"

Not Pictured: Reality

Not pictured: Reality

As it turns out, getting into professional gaming is a lot more difficult than you may think. It literally takes years of dedication perfecting hand-eye coordination, memorizing tactics and practicing to become one of the gaming elite. And by that, we mean years of not getting laid while surviving off a diet of Code Red, take out and cigarettes.

Evidently the road to gaming glory is paved in pizza boxes

To truly be successful, however, you need to move to South Korea and make it onto a professional and more importantly, sponsored team. Once there, be prepared for a strict, scheduled, 17-hour-daily regime, 350 days a year, all while crammed into a tiny apartment with the rest of your team. Minor note: as per team rules, you're not allowed to have girls over.

Our thoughts exactly

Is It Worth It?

We'd have to say no. While the top 5% of professional gamers may enjoy a six-figure income, groupies and fame, it comes at a stiff blow to their personal privacy and social life. Additionally, the same type of renown, wealth and bitches can easily come to anyone with a degree who happens to be in the top of their field.

Stephen Hawking: Straight Pimpin'

In the end, relying on an extremely competitive profession that can end due to excessive masturbation or that annoying shithead from down the street is probably not the wisest of choices. Just go to college, get a job, move out from mom's basement, and hate life like the rest of us.