So you want to be a professional athlete but possess the physique of McLovin. Fear not, for hope lies in the world of professional gaming. But is becoming the next Mark McGwire of Halo really all it’s cracked up to be?
In South Korea, a successful professional gamer is on par with a rock star, including all the perks and niceties that go along with that such as wealth, fame and adoring fans.
"I'll show you how to work a joystick big boy"
Turns out, only about 5% of professional gamers earn over a six figure income and less than 1 in 3 are able to support themselves off gaming alone. Perhaps this is why 11 South Korean pros were recently charged in a Black Sox-esce scandal of throwing StarCraft matches for some extra cash on the side, and why most American gamers need a supplemental income from a day job, or mom.
So, you've just finished watching The Wizard and think to yourself "Hey, that traumatized kid won a gaming tournament, so can I!"
Not pictured: Reality
As it turns out, getting into professional gaming is a lot more difficult than you may think. It literally takes years of dedication perfecting hand-eye coordination, memorizing tactics and practicing to become one of the gaming elite. And by that, we mean years of not getting laid while surviving off a diet of Code Red, take out and cigarettes.
Evidently the road to gaming glory is paved in pizza boxes
To truly be successful, however, you need to move to South Korea and make it onto a professional and more importantly, sponsored team. Once there, be prepared for a strict, scheduled, 17-hour-daily regime, 350 days a year, all while crammed into a tiny apartment with the rest of your team. Minor note: as per team rules, you're not allowed to have girls over.
Our thoughts exactly
We'd have to say no. While the top 5% of professional gamers may enjoy a six-figure income, groupies and fame, it comes at a stiff blow to their personal privacy and social life. Additionally, the same type of renown, wealth and bitches can easily come to anyone with a degree who happens to be in the top of their field.
Stephen Hawking: Straight Pimpin'
In the end, relying on an extremely competitive profession that can end due to excessive masturbation or that annoying shithead from down the street is probably not the wisest of choices. Just go to college, get a job, move out from mom's basement, and hate life like the rest of us.