Inventions

George Farquhar once said that necessity is the mother of invention. Hear that? We NEED better ways to eat our chicken sandwiches!

Just The Facts

  1. The ability to invent and use tools is one of the few things that separate humans from animals.
  2. McGuyver is widely recognized as the greatest inventor who ever lived, and he's not even real!
  3. People become inventors to "invent" ways to get to their next fix.

So you want to make an invention



Throughout time, human-kind has honored and revered inventors. Tesla,
Da Vinci, Ford, and others are remembered today as men who helped create the modern world. For some inventions, we should be thankful, but we should also remember the inventions that made our world that much worse of a place to live in. Remember, someone also had to invent Bagpipes, Car Alarms, and the Beer Can Hat.

So if you're going to invent, obviously you want to make something good. You could start out by thinking about what would make you're life easier. Another way is to combine two existing things in a way that makes them more conveniant
. Or you could just steal your ideas.

How to Covertly Steal Ideas

Remember in high school when you would take a wikipedia article and change a few words to make it your own essay? That's probably not going to work here. For example, if I were to tell you about my new invention that could transport people upwards of 70 miles per hour in a self-contained bubble, and that I called it the unhorse carriage, you'd laugh my ass out of the patent office.

The best way to steal ideas is to talk to people in technical or industrial professions who have ideas but little ambition. These people can usually be found in bars. Luckily, if you're reading this, you're probably drunk off your ass, which is half the battle. All you have to do after that is find someone with an idea, make it, file a patent, and wait for the sweet, sweet money to roll in.

Bad Inventions

These are examples of bad inventions, so you know the kind of things not to do.

TNT: Originally meant to be a dye, this invention was eventually used to build American by blowing through mountains to let train tracks through. Immediately after, it was used by mustachioed villains to blow those same tracks up.

Submarine Screen Doors: The bane of blonds and the Polish people everywhere.

Segways: Get around AND look like a douche. And while looks can be deceiving, in this case they're usually not

New Coke: Depending on your point of view, this was either a terrible invention of a genius marketing scheme

V-Tech: It's Kicking in Yo.