Liberty City

Ever wanted to visit the worst place in America? Well Rockstar Games thought you did and made nine games featuring it!

Just The Facts

  1. Liberty City was founded in 1609 by an English explorer
  2. The original settlement was officially owned by the Dutch in order to sell marijuana
  3. It's awfully similar to New York City
  4. Coincidence? Maybe. Noticeable? Totally!

A History Of Liberty City

Since Rockstar insist on changing the look of the city every 8 years, it's difficult to narrow down the history of this cesspool of human despair. According to the critically acclaimed television show, "A History Of Liberty City", it was founded in 1609 as New Rotterdam by Horatio Humbolt, an English explorer working for the Dutch colonists. After a brief stint as a drug settlement (see above), New Rotterdam began to thrive, centered on the island of Algonquin, due to promises of convinent stores, public hangings and the ever popular slave trade. Wanting to get in on the deal, the English set sail for the colony of New Rotterdam, taking it over and expanding to three more islands, whilst killing off the natives (you know, just to be sure nothing went down). The four islands (Algonquin, Alderney, Broker/Dukes and Bohan) became populated by the people of New Rotterdam and was from then on known as Liberty City.

What a view, eh? Makes you feel homicidal, doesn't it?

Liberty City took rather a bad beating during the American Revolution, due to the English being too proud and the colonists being too stupid. Fortunately, the French intervened, offering a statue (of a transvestite eating ice cream) to the colonists, which gave them the courage to fight back. At the end of the war, the new Americans melted down their statue of King George to make toilet seats and gold teeth, a further insult to the already embarresed English. Slavery was eventually abolished in Liberty City and the politicians moved to Washington (after Liberty City lost out to DC as the nation capital).

Liberty City in a nutshell (read: a bullet pointed list)

  • The population of Liberty City as of 2008 is 8,363,710 (although we can guarantee the number will drop sharply when the playable characters roll into town with their magic, weapon spawning phones)
  • The island of Alderney is considered to be seperate from the rest of the city, and is known as Liberty's Ugly Sister
  • Liberty City is full of crime. Seriously, to the brim. If Liberty City was a cup (and that brim analogy made sense) and crime was liquid....well, there wouldn't be much of a problem. Who the fuck gets mugged by liquid?
  • The Mayor of Liberty City (Julio Ochoa) has made it illegal to sell firearms, which is basically like banning a movie on controversial grounds, it just makes it all the more appealing. Guns are easier to come by than coffee stores (and there are a lot of fucking coffee stores).

A map of the city

The many lines on the map indicate roads, not that anyone in the city takes notice of them!

A view of Liberty (patriotic or what?)

What is there to do? Other than mass murder.

Not much if we're honest. There's a comedy club, but after watching pixelated comedians tell the same jokes again and again and again and again, you feel sort of empty and emotionless. Who would have thought that Kat Williams "Hustlin" routine would get stale? Anyway, exploring is probably your best bet, since at least 95% of the buildings aren't open to the general public and the other 5% are pretty much duplicates of eachother. Want to go out drinking? Great, pick a bar, it doesn't matter which one, they're all the same! Below are pictures of two authentic pubs in Liberty City, notice the similarities.

Lucky Winkles Pub

Steinway Beer Garden

We know they're at different angles, but there's no denying Rockstar were being pretty lazy when it came to interior decoration of their drinking spots.

Activities in Liberty City range from Bowling and Darts to eating what is playfully referred to as "A Cardiac Arrest in a bun". Of course, health problems could be avoided by a daily walk, but with todays modern transport conveniences, why would anyone walk anywhere? Subway, taxi, helicopter, it's up to you, but the preferred mode of transportation is the car, probably because everyone ends up ignoring the roads and mounting the pavements, making commuting much quicker.