Sweet Cred

okay so sweet cred is some stupid hip, cool thing

this is sweet cred

Just The Facts

  1. they totally ripped me off
  2. seriously
  3. theyre users of unintentional irony

sweet cred


i dont know this just seems vaguely derivative

maybe what i mean is i wish i was the one who made that website. why is it the best kind of irony is always the unintended kind. dammit this candy slinging jackass doesnt even realize what a fucking genius he is. because hes too fucking stupid. stupid enough to think that a bunch of street savvy, mishapen headed, weirdly mongoloid looking motherfuckers is a one way ticket to selling a goddamn tsunami of candy

i dont know where to begin with this thing its like trying to shake the hand of a really fat guy, what do you even grab

ENTER KIDS' ZONE... fuck i could write a graduate thesis on this garbage, im repelled just by the sheer audacity of its hydranecked powergrab for my contempt. at least KIDS isnt spelled with a Z maybe they havent figured out how to do that in england yet. no not with the queens english, but of course in one fell swoop they use that same silvery tongue to titillate the devils squirming asshole.

ok hang on... panning through the grisly multimedia trainwreck of an intro oh ok SKIP... and music off... ok

i wonder if that music was from THE STREET. probably fucking jacked right the fuck off some fly homie's boombox

now we need to MEET THE SWEET CRED GANG obviously as soon as fucking possible cause i dont know how i slept a fucking wink without this posse of smug cunts taking me to school. how should i wear a hat oh ok backwards? whoa whoa slow down are you sure itll even FIT that way. we are talking about the same thing right, a HAT right. ha ha

lets talk about SIMON

ok i cant even say for sure if "cool" is even what they were going for here. reminds me of like in movies when they try to dress a drunk guy up to stand in as someone respectable to pull off a ruse, or maybe a dead guy like weekend at bernies. or a retarded guy who happens to be good at something but cant be no damn retarded guy or he'll b disqualified from the competition or whatever.

what im saying is that simon looks mentally handicapped and someone dressed him that way in the morning. dressed him "cool", skateboard check backwards hat check. i guess im saying simon is mentally challenged and he does skateboard stunts for applesauce (re: falls down)

the more i look at his head the more it resembles... i dont know

something indecent.

his head is like... imagine cauliflower-eared genitalia in a hat. imagine if you shaved someones pubic area and if what you found undern
eath could make a face at you. it would basically be simons face

the cartoonist i guess believes the lowered eyelids stylistically commands confidence but what he doesnt realize is that attribute massively amplifies the horrifying nature of the already latently grotesque. imagine if a dead guys nutsack had eyes and the eyelids lowered at you leaving little doubt: that sack KNOWS THE SCORE. fuck

oh man he LOVES: working on his skateboard moves and downloading GREAT VIDEOS... wait but where? grandad's gramophone or some uncool shit like that? NO AN MP4 PLAYER. thats how cool he is he doesnt even BOTHER with mp3 players like what the kids these days are probably using he skips right to fucking 4.

also hes not too keen on homework and i cant say i blame him, oh also he doesnt like not having money, and i mean damn son who DONT like being no broke ass nigga???? whoever wrote this shit needs to step on a rake in a comedic fashion

oh yeah hes 11 years old rounding him out to be the juviest wiggeriest little turd ever to politely request a beatdown via dipshitty smirk. oh ever notice how if a cartoon guy has a skateboard the wheels will NEVER be on the ground EVER.

im wearing myself out with this garbage and theres so much more filth to paw through.

what was wrong with the guy who made this. he was digging deep trying to get at some truth about young people i guess to "connect" with these little cretins who snap up his candy. i picture him rooting around in some chitinous cavity in his skull with a mean little seafood fork all digging and prying but instead of pulling out the truth all hes doing is yanking out little white fleshy bits that go awesome with butter.

ill talk about this later

the black guy oh god i gotta talk about the black guy

oh my god and look they have desktop wallpaper??? just point me to the nearest pantheon of dicks so i can suck every last one for it