Fencing is swordfighting's little brother. It's slightly effeminate little brother.

Not exactly straight.

Just The Facts

  1. There are three forms of fencing: Sabre, Epee and Foil.
  2. Despite the names, foil is actually the gayest.
  3. Sabre sounds wicked - until you see what you have to wear.

What is fencing?

Two idiots attempting to touch each other with blunt weapons while wearing heavy padding. Sort of Friday night at the local leather bar, but with more rules. And this is an Olympic sport?

The Irish fencing team are popular opponents to draw.

Fencing is based on, supposedly, the code duello, first blood edition.

The Rules

Anyone thinking of trying fencing because swords are badass is in for a serious disappointment. There are a metric shitload of rules to learn, all written in a dry as dust way. If you have nothing to do with your life, you can find the full rules on the FIA website.

Remember kids, safety first!

  • You do not have the option to swing on ropes.
  • Or balance on narrow beams
  • Or fight on moving vehicles
  • Or kill monsters
  • You do, however, get the gayest clothing you can imagine.

Well - not quite that gay

Types and Scoring

From top to bottom: Good, Gay, OK


This is the lightest of the three swords, a 30 inch spike of metal that bends if you breath on it. More like a whip than a real sword, it is popular with fencers with limper wrists.Points can only be scored by hitting the opponent's chest with your tip. The damn jokes just write themselves.

Woah dude, I can totally see your package


The Epee is almost a real sword. and is scored the most realistically. You can hit your opponent anywhere, but only a hit with the very end of the blade can score points. A hit on the foot scores the same points as one to the face.That is much more like it.

Double face shot . Actually, that is pretty awesome.


This is the biggest of the three weapons, for the manliest of fencers. Any hit above the waist counts for points, with either tip or edge of the blade.

There can be only one .... to fertilise that egg!!