Fencing
Fencing is swordfighting's little brother. It's slightly effeminate little brother.
Just The Facts
- There are three forms of fencing: Sabre, Epee and Foil.
- Despite the names, foil is actually the gayest.
- Sabre sounds wicked - until you see what you have to wear.
What is fencing?
Two idiots attempting to touch each other with blunt weapons while wearing heavy padding. Sort of Friday night at the local leather bar, but with more rules. And this is an Olympic sport?
The Irish fencing team are popular opponents to draw.
Fencing is based on, supposedly, the code duello, first blood edition.
The Rules
Anyone thinking of trying fencing because swords are badass is in for a serious disappointment. There are a metric shitload of rules to learn, all written in a dry as dust way. If you have nothing to do with your life, you can find the full rules on the FIA website.
Remember kids, safety first!
- You do not have the option to swing on ropes.
- Or balance on narrow beams
- Or fight on moving vehicles
- Or kill monsters
- You do, however, get the gayest clothing you can imagine.
Well - not quite that gay
Types and Scoring
From top to bottom: Good, Gay, OK
Foil:
This is the lightest of the three swords, a 30 inch spike of metal that bends if you breath on it. More like a whip than a real sword, it is popular with fencers with limper wrists.Points can only be scored by hitting the opponent's chest with your tip. The damn jokes just write themselves.
Woah dude, I can totally see your package
Epee:
The Epee is almost a real sword. and is scored the most realistically. You can hit your opponent anywhere, but only a hit with the very end of the blade can score points. A hit on the foot scores the same points as one to the face.That is much more like it.
Double face shot . Actually, that is pretty awesome.
Sabre:
This is the biggest of the three weapons, for the manliest of fencers. Any hit above the waist counts for points, with either tip or edge of the blade.
There can be only one .... to fertilise that egg!!
sabre is the "biggest"? epee is the heaviest weapon, if that's what you mean.
ReplyThere are so many fencing jokes and stereotypes out there that could have been used. Instead, what we got is 'fencing is gay and for sissies'. Because it doesn't use real swords. If we've decided to judge the masculinity of a sport by how close it is to a deadly art, then baseball and basketball must be for tiny little girls.
ReplyCould do with a bit more commentary than just tossing out a few gay jokes with mentions of swords in between. This could have been done really well by someone who was familiar with the sport, since there are some pretty funny things that could be said about fencing... instead it's generic and most of the attempted jokes seem to be based around the way that fencers dress.
ReplyFencing is the most amsing sport in the world! I've been fencing (Sabre) for years! And, let me tell you, guys the fence *sigh*, they are the best! Oh, and the first picture? Those are girls.
ReplyYeah, you think it's gay, because only REAL men have the balls to dress up like that, FIGHT, and still get girls.
ReplyFencing is beast, and also the saber picture is off target and a yellow card for crossing legs.
ReplyThe last saber pic is not corect sabres can't cross their legs
Reply