The Military

The military is an organization committed to a country's self-defense.

If you ever find yourself dressing up as a Space Marine and marching in a parade, you might want to consider joining the real military instead.

Just The Facts

  1. In the US, there are six branches of the military: the Army, Navy, Air Force, Space Patrol, Marines, and Coast Guard.
  2. One of these is made up.

About The Military

Have you ever wanted to experience what it is like to be in prison, only without the thrill of actually committing a crime first? Then the military might be for you.

There are many other reasons to join the military:

  • You hate your husband or wife, and want them to initiate a divorce
  • You've always wanted to receive a 10% discount at the Home Depot
  • You want to serve your country.

If you fall into the last category, we here at Cracked salute you and hope that you don't wind up on waste disposal duty.

Facts About The US Military

  • When you think of the military, you probably think of people running around with guns blowing up shit and being hardcore. This, unfortunately, is not the whole truth. Even if you are in the Army, which you would think might give you a big chance of shooting stuff, you have less than a 10% chance of actually being in the infantry. You will probably be fixing supply trucks.
  • This isn't actually a bad thing, because those guns are fucking heavy.
  • The US Navy has almost as many planes as the Air Force. Nobody knows why.

What Branch Of The Military Should I Choose?

The answer to this question depends on many things, such as:

  • How much you like beach volleyball
  • Whether you like seeing your family
  • Whether you like huge scorpions, and would enjoy catching those scorpions and making them fight with other scorpions

Whatever your opinions are on these things, though, the answer is probably 'Coast Guard'. Come on, remember that movie with Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher? That was awesome.