The Eleventh Doctor

Matt Smith portrays the 11th incarnation of a time travelling alien called a Time Lord. He saves worlds, fights bad guys and runs a lot.

From left to right: Amy Pond, The Doctor, David Tennant Fan

This isn't Matt Smith as the Doctor, this is just how he rolls

Just The Facts

  1. The Doctor is an alien who travels through space and time in a police phone box called a TARDIS
  2. If you know what TARDIS stands for you are most likely a virgin
  3. Doctor Who is the longest running sci fi show ever and its fans still aren't as sad as Trekkies

The Man behind the Hair

Matt Smith has been heavily critized after his selection to play the Doctor for being too young and stubbornly refusing to be David Tennant. The internet did what it does best, complain incessantly about how the show is ruined forever, then watch an episode and instantly declare that it was awesome. Despite his limited experience Matt Smith has shown to be a talented actor with a new and refreshing take on the Doctor. But still:

What the fuck is with that hair?

The 'Controversy'

In the 2 minutes of screen time the Eleventh Doctor had in his first appearance in 'The End of Time' he managed to create the most retarded controversy in recent memory. His exclamation of 'Still not ginger!' was seen by many as anti-ginger bias, a thing that apparently exists. It was actually disappointment at not being ginger which people who actually watched the show knew, but in a sad display the BBC had to release a memo saying that they were not hairist (racist but with hair) against redheads and that the latest companion was both a redhead and smokin hot.

They don't have souls but who cares?

The Companions

The Eleventh Doctor continues on the path of his predecessors selecting slammin' hotties to save the universe with. This time around it is Amy Pond who has been presented as an intelligent, capable woman who is both observant and empathetic towards others. She is also the best thing to come out of Scotland since haggis, meaning shes the only good thing to come out of Scotland (If any Scottish people are offended, I don't care).

Karen Gillan has been critized for being too sexy by family groups. They also claimed that chocolate was too delicious, and that penicilin was too life saving. From the statement though it is clear that discriminating against someone because of their looks is only okay when they are better looking than you.

Tissue consumption in England is about to spike

It is believed that Amy Ponds fiance may also become a companion, and take the role of most unbelievably hot girlfriend to average looking guy from Cobie Smulders and Jimmy-The-Overly-Touchy-Orderly.

Pictured: Proof that the universe is cracking

The Episodes

The story arc for the 11th Doctors first season shows cracks beginning to form thoughout the universe. While the Bad Wolf and Mister Saxon arcs were subtly weaved into the story, spotted by avid fans far too easily, the cracks are only noticeable if you are looking at the screen while the camera zooms in and plays ominous music.

The End of Time:

The Eleventh Doctor shows up for two minutes, the TARDIS blows up through concentration of fan hatred for him. He says 'Geronimo'.

The Eleventh Hour:

The Doctor flies over London hanging out the TARDIS door. It is awesome. Also you meet Amy Pond when she is 7 years, but everyone other than pedophiles is quite happy when the Doctor accidentally shoots 12 years into the future to meet up with her in her police 'kissogram' outfit. All the Doctors shit breaks, this giant snake thing mimics people and a giant eyeball tries to disintergrate the Earth. Basically a normal Doctor Who episode.

Pictured: Normalcy

The Beast Below:

The Doctor lands aboard a giant spaceship that holds the population of Britain. There are these Smilers which are clearly evil and a voting booth which lets you know something that you can choose to protest or forget. The Doctor investigates a little, quickly finds the answer, then decides to do something pretty evil while Amy takes a third option and saves the ship before beating the Doctor over the head with metaphor. The Doctors contributions aren't really that important.

There is no other purpose for these besides being creepy looking

Victory of the Daleks:

Winston Churchill being a warmongering dick has started using Daleks to fight the Germans. He calls the Doctor to ask him about it, then when the Doctor says get rid of them hes says no because as previously mentioned: dick. The Daleks to the suprise of no-one show their evil nature and bring forth a new race of Daleks. The Doctor tries to stop them but has to let them go in order to save the Earth. He chides himself on not destroying the last Daleks in existence, seemingly forgetting the last 4 times he has defeated the last Daleks in existence and not realising that those bastards come back every season.

Pimp my Dalek was suprisingly successful

The Time of Angels:

River Song busts onto a ship graffitis a box and then blows herself out an airlock. This is all part of a plan to have the Doctor save her and help track down the last of the Weeping Angels, even though it was previously stated that they cant be killed. The Doctor says sure and he and Amy travel into The Maze of the Dead, clearly designed for creepy shit to happen in. They wander around a bit until they realise that all the statues are actually weakened Angels that are coming back to life. The Doctor makes a speech that is pretty awesome considering it looks like he's about to get his ass handed to him. Oh and the Angels can now change peoples perceptions, move through images, install deadlock seals, snap peoples necks, reanimate dead vocal chords and probably do some other shit by the next installment.

Weeping Angels 2: This time it's inanimate

Flesh and Stone:

The Doctor escapes through use of the ships artificial gravity, how they survived the equivalent of a hundred foot fall is left unexplained. The team runs around in the ship for a bit, they then run into a forest connected to computers which is used to produce oxygen in what seems like an incredibly inefficient way. The crack is revealed as the end of the universe, where entering it wipes you from existence while retconning your entire past, its like the Stan Lee of the multiverse. The Doctor then kills all the angels by just waiting for them to fall off the ship due to idiocy. They then go back to Amy's time where she proves herself to be extremely horny and have a strange definition of being in a relationship. The Doctor is also presented as being a homosexual or having the willpower of that guy who got stuck under a rock and cut his arm off. They then figured out that Amy is somehow related to the cracks, likely because the universe itself is attempting to fuck her.

Screw the guy who cut his arm off, this is harder

The Vampires of Venice:

The Doctor goes to get Rory (Amy's fiance) and send them on a romantic date because something something something silence something something then the world will be saved. Once in Venice they encounter beings that are clearly vampires so of course they are not really vampires, just deep sea fish who fell through a rip in space time. Still they don't sparkle making them closer to vampires than some other versions. Some stuff happens, the giant fish plan to sink Venice for no conceivable reason other than they want their underwater home to have some flair. The Doctor stops them and then invites Rory to travel with him in order to balance the hotness ratio of the TARDIS and return stability to the universe.

Amy's Choice:

The Doctor, Amy and that dude that hangs around Amy find themselves 5 years in the future with Amy pregnant and settled down in what appears to be the most boring place in the world. However they then wake up back in the TARDIS as it approaches a cold burning star. The Dream Lord (henceforth to be known as megadouche) in the Doctors outfit tells them that one of these worlds is a dream and the other is real, if they die in the dream they come back but if they die in real life they, you know, die. They run around for a bit, until Rory dies and Amy seems to actually care deciding that she doesnt want to live if she cant be with him. They wake up in the TARDIS but the Doctor realises this world is also fake due to a cold burning star being too ridiculous. They all wake up for real and the Doctor reveals that the megadouche was a bad part of his personality activated by crystal pollen. This is apparently not ridiculous.

Something else that apparently isn't too ridiculous

The Hungry Earth:

The episode opens on a man talking with his kid and he talks of how much he loves him, apparently not aware hes in a Doctor Who episode and is promptly swallowed by the earth. The Doctor then shows up and finds out that some people are digging really deeply into the ground, which has massively pissed off some aliens. The Doctor discovers that they are lizard people who lived on the Earth before humans and captures one who claims that one of the humans will kill her. It'll totally be the daughter. One of the men is also poisoned and it is shown spreading which apparently the Doctor was perfectly aware of and its effects but just decided not to mention. Amy is captured, and the Doctor finds a gigantic city after expecting only a dozen more creatures for no reason in particular. It ends on a massive cliffhanger as Amy is threatened with autopsy, this wont kill her but the scar will be kind of a turn off.

Cold Blood:

The lizard chick is killed by the daughter. The Doctor describes her as the worst of humanity which she seems to take as a personal challenge, continually being more of a bitch throughout the episode. Seriously, if the Daleks had shown up halfway through the episode theyd take a backseat to this chick. Adolf Hitler would tell her to chill the fuck out. Also Rory dies which is so sad that it made nearly everyone who watched it cry, and then cry again when Amy lost all memory of him. This episode inspired more rage and sadness than the last Whitney Houston concert.

I can think of no justification for showing this picture

Vincent and the Doctor:

The Doctors partners up with Van Gough to fight a giant invisible dragon/bird/horse kind of thing. They take some time off to explore the effects of depression, which everyone who watches this show has had since the last episode. Van Gough kills dragon/bird/horse thing and then kills himself later. Van Gough also captures the audiences ambitions and opinions by trying to bang Amy Pond the whole episode.

The Lodger:

At last an episode that doesn't kill everything that makes us happy inside. The Doctor gets in some witty banter, stops an evil room and helps set up two people who clearly love each other the whole episode. It is sweet, funny and original, then a crack is seen in the room of the couple just to remind us that they'll probably die at some point.

The Pandorica Opens:

Van Gough draws a spazzed out painting which passes through the hands of every person the Doctors met this season until River Song manages to get it and bring it to the Doctor. He finds the Pandorica under Stonehenge. Rory comes back as a centurion which is so nice that people ignore the fact that hes probably an evil robot. Luckily he's only a partially evil robot as he kills Amy but then feels really bad about it. The Pandorica opens and it is revealed that it is a prison for the Doctor made by a shitload of bad guys to try and stop the universe ending. Hes imprisoned, the Tardis explodes, the universe explodes, Amys dead and Rory killed her.

The Big Bang:

The Doctor shows up to save everyone, assissting in his own escape from the Pandorica and creating more paradoxes than a butterfly that kills its grandfather then lights a fire which causes it to have sex with its grandmother before being killed by its grandfather. Rory opens the Pandorica as it is simple to open from the outside, as its not like the Doctor has friends who often travel through time or anything. A bunch of confusing shit happens until finally the Doctor something Pandorica something sandwich something saves the day. The universe is reset but the Doctors still dead until Amy remembers him back to life. The question of who blew up the Tardis is left open, the inflow of nerds opinions shutting down the internet for days.

See you at the Christmas Special!