5 Ways Bands Screw With Fans

Bands have screwed with their fans for almost as long as anyone can remember. Some even believe that the screwing can be traced back as early as year 30 AD.

Just The Facts

  1. Bands have abused their position for as long as most people can remember.
  2. Judas probably started it all.

Five ways bands screw fans

1. They sue the ones who like their music enough to download it.

2. They are always, without an exception, late on stage.

3. They release multiple editions of albums. When faithful fans buy an album the first time, they can only enjoy it for months at max, before another superior edition is out. That one of course contains more tracks and other exclusive content you did not get if you showed loyalty the first time around.

4. They describe a new album as the essence of what the band is about, and that you don't like the band if you don't like the record. That is just plain arrogant.

5. They talk crap about another band which you happen to like.

History

It is not entirely established from where the fan screwing has its origin, but many believe it began already in the days of Christ.

When Jesus realized that just talking and doing cool magic tricks would not cut it to reach through, he began to look for some other solution to touch the people with the word of the Lord. Reliable sources tell us that it was the apostle Peter, who came up with the idea of a rock band. And Christ (or Jesse, as he was called by those closest to him), became the front man of the band called White Sabbath. Peter was rewarded for his initiative and became the axeman, Matthew played bass and Judas drums.

White Sabbath quickly became a hot topic in the hometown of Nazareth. More and more people came to the shows and Jesse was satisfied.

However, cracks within the band soon began to show. Judas wanted to begin charging a fee for the gigs, since simply serving as an apostle and now a drummer, had not gained him a single dinar. Jesse did not like this idea but was totally mellow with Judas' poor attitude for months. That is, until Iscariot one night suggested that the band should start selling robes with "White Sabbath" printed on them. The following morning, Christ was found nailed to a cross on the very same hill as White Sabbath hade made their stage debut.

Judas claimed to have witnessed the last moments of what he claimed to be Jesse's suicide, and that he was "way too late to do anything about it". This is also the last day Judas was seen, as no one else in White Sabbath felt like playing anymore.

Rumour has it that Judas went on to play drums in another band, whose name shall remain unknown. James Hetfield denies this.