Pokemon Games

WORK IN PROGRESS: Pokemon is a video game franchise that centers around the forced capture of exotic creatures, with whom you will later fight till the death. It is loved by children worldwide.

Just The Facts

  1. Pokemon is the second-best selling game franchise of all time, with close to 200 million copies sold
  2. Starting with 150 original Pokemon, the franchise has expanded to a total number of 493.
  3. "Gotta catch em all!" is now one of the world's most oft-repeated phrases, just after "I love you" and "Fuck you bitch, that ain't my kid!"

Cracked on Pokemon

The Basics

Before we delve into the depths of how oddly fun some of the Pokemon games are, we gotta lay down the basic ground rules that have helped the series attain mass success. Essentially, you inhabit a world in which traditional animals have been replaced by Pokemon, which have fun and exotic designs and are way more fun than the boring animals here on Earth.

Clearly, Pokemon are more interesting than normal animals

The whole world is inhabited by Pokemon, and it is your destiny to try to catch them all! However, some Pokemon get very strong and dangerous, so you have to train some Pokemon and keep a team with you to protect you. You are allowed to keep up to 6 Pokemon with you at all times, because, well, because. But how do you attain these Pokemon? Ah, it is simple! You just find an innocent Pokemon in the wild, injure it until it can't fight back, and then force it away from its home to fight battles with you. The strategy of Pokemon unfolds itself in its typing-system. Each Pokemon is assigned a type, like Water or Fire, and these types determine whether a Pokemon will be defensive against another one. For instance, Water is strong against Fire, Fire is strong against Humans, and Humans are powerful against Minorities. We've set up a handy chart for you:


So naturally as you progress throughout the game, you're going to want to try and diversify your team type-wise. Because everyone knows that if you don't take the strategy of the Pokemon games 100% seriously, then you're a douche.

Another facet of the games are the mystic Legendary Pokemon, super-rare and powerful Pokemon that serve no purpose other than to fuel sales for the game. You can only really obtain them once you've beaten a significant portion of the game and they aren't necessary to finish the game at all. And while some of the Legendary Pokemon look super bad-ass:

Some look like the illegitimate offspring of a spaceship and an NES controller:

Seriously, is that thing supposed to be alive?

Pokemon Red, Blue and Yellow

Ah, the originals! The games that started it all, Red, Blue and Yellow (or RBY), were notorious, not only for having really shitty graphics and terrible audio quality, but for being extremely poorly programmed. Some refer to these games as the Glitch Generation, as a number of bugs were able to be exploited by players of the games. You know, the players, little kids who are like 7 years old. Even they knew the games were programmed like shit. For example:

Yeah, not exactly a good thing to leave around in one of the most popular video games of all time. However, Nintendo caught an extremely lucky break, as the numerous glitches and bugs only enchanted players more, adding somewhat to the nostalgic value of the games, and, as a result, the games still enjoy widespread popularity even 15 years after their release.

Also of note was Nintendo's clever tactic of releasing two different versions, Red, and Blue (later Yellow as well). These were the exact same games, except you can catch Pokemon in Red that you can't catch in Blue, and vice-versa. This promoted the Game Boy's oft-neglected trading cable, so players could trade Pokemon they wouldn't normally be able to obtain. This also essentially doubled the amount of sales of the games, pouring more money right into Nintendo's pocket. Pretty brilliant shit if you ask us.

Pokemon Yellow was slightly different than Red and Blue, in that your Pikachu followed around your main character. With this simple addition, Nintendo netted over 8.7 million additional sales. If anything is to be learned from this, it's that Nintendo is way more fucking ingenious than we had ever thought before.

Coolest RBY Pokemon