Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt is a surprisingly agile character actor, with a depth and range that sets him far ahead of his peers. Mostly he's just a meat-hanger for abs, though.

The basic formula.

Just The Facts

  1. Brad Pitt is a very pretty man.
  2. Brad Pitt knows this. You can stop saying it now.
  3. It's getting kind of creepy.

The Brad Pitt Acting Method

Though he's constantly proving himself with challenging and varied roles, a common theme does run throughout Mr. Pitt's work. Whether it's a sit-up instructor battling crippling depression due to his torso-oil addiction, or an accountant who's just allergic to shirts, Brad Pitt will always find a way to be shirtless in any movie:


Oh yeah, Snatch. That's what that movie was called.
Okay, so you're probably thinking "but sir, a boxer has a legitimate reason to be shirtless! This is merely a logical scenario which any man would find himself bare-chested in!" Well, you've got a point, but then explain...

Not Pictured: Horse
Though Hollywood would have us believe all ancient infantryman ran into battle in greased thongs, many ancient societies actually wore armor specifically to protect their chest area. But hey, maybe the Greeks stripped it off him in the heat of battle (they were Greeks after all,) there could be an explanation for that scene. But then there's...

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Yes, even when millions of dollars are spent digitally transforming him into a freakish elderly midget time traveller, Mr. Pitt - perhaps out of force of habit, contractual obligation, or a heretofore undiagnosed torso-based claustrophobia - still finds time to strip off his shirt and pose. But you know what the real bitch of it is? Even when you spend the equivalent of a small country's GDP trying to de-sexify him, Pitt is still more ripped than us up there.

Even when he's digitally enhanced to resemble the bastard lovechild of Larry King and Gollum; Brad Pitt still makes your average man look like a pile of sadness and cottage cheese stuffed into a man-shaped skin-suit.

Thanks for raising the bar, dickhead.