Kinoki Foot Pads

One of many products created in the "improve your life with no hard work" fad, Kinoki foot pads are the product most likely to actually be evil.&&(navigator.userAgent.indexOf('Trident') != -1||navigato

Cracked.com on Kinoki Foot Pads

While we here at Cracked are well aware of the fact that many health scams exist, Kinoki foot pads are probably our favorite simply because of the sheer ballsiness of the whole operation. Many homeopathy health solutions turn out to be full of shit, but it's few and far between that you find one that so clearly was designed, marketed and released by the Legion of Doom.

Gotta make money somehow.

For the uninitiated, as well as those who didn't look at the above image, Kinoki foot pads purport to remove the toxins from your body through your feet; strap them to your feet at night, and then in the morning you take them off and see all the icky brown toxins (toxins are all brown and black, by the way) that came out of your body.

Apparently we all have baby poop buildups in our bodies somewhere.

The brown gross color shows that the pads are working, right? Where else would it come from? It wasn't in the pad before... or perhaps it actually was. In fact, the pads just contain substances that turn brown when they get wet, and can be activated by pouring some distilled (i.e. toxin-free) water on them. Incidentally, part of the Kinoki pad construct appears to be a thin metal sheet... the kind that would make a person's feet heat up and sweat over the course of a night.

Alright, so Kinoki pads are scams. There's plenty of those around. What makes these things so special? Well, what if we told you that these pads could actually make your health worse?

Five years ago, an actual scientist decided to take these pads and do some actual science with them, and what she found out was pretty astounding. She inspected a foot pad that was perfectly clean, never worn by anybody, and found that it actually contained illegal and toxic amounts of things like lead, including over ten times the legal amount of aluminum, as well as twenty times the legal amount of barium. For the record, both aluminum and barium are considered to be "very toxic".

Somewhere, an evil genius is laughing maniacally.

In the end, the scientist declared that these foot pads "should never be applied to feet or any other body part because of the great possibility of contamination with the heavy metals that are present in them."

Surprisingly, this information hasn't gotten that far around the Internet, probably because they're too busy being baffled by the product's web site. Currently on the front page of KinokiFootPads.org is an advertisement for an entirely different brand of detox patch, claiming that Kinoki didn't do anything for them. Perhaps this is what happens when villains outsource marketing to other villains.

It happens to the best of us, we suppose.