Pop Music

Pop music is a genre but generally refers to any music that is popular or 'mainstream'. With a few exceptions, it tends to be annoying music that gets stuck in your head when forced to do tedious work.

The Kanye Theorem: Sample Daft Punk, Diss Taylor Swift, Call yourself

Modern Pop

Pop music has failed throughout the course of it's existence to have anything but a few redeeming qualities. Though once just an abbreviation for popular music, pop today is typically associated with artists like Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, and Fall Out Boy.

Modern pop is characterized by heavily auto-tuned choruses, recyclable hip hop beats, and Lady Gaga dressing like Tim Burton and Madonna's bastard rape baby.


The people in the row behind her have to be annoyed by this hat, where's the guy who punched Snooki when you need him?

Modern pop makes no actual statements. Once upon a time Bob Marley made statements, The Clash made statements, Minor Threat made statements. Pop music today makes redundant statements that speak volumes about the pure evil and emptiness at it's inner-core. Pop artists tell us to Save Darfur, yet Kanye West replaces his teeth with diamonds, and U2 builds a stage that transforms into a giant space rocket, flies the entire audience to the Alpha Centauri system, and costs roughly around the same price as every football team in the NFL and eleven nuclear warheads. Wouldn't it make sense to spend all of that money on something other than pure unadulterated excess. If pop stars would stop spending money putting water slides and cast gold tiki bars in their backyard maybe we could save Darfur.

Maybe these guys could eat tonight if Kanye West wasn't so busy chewing up his meal with his diamond teeth

The Typical Pop Star

Some genres of music can be broken down into hundreds of different unique sub-genres. This is why I listen to African-tribal-post hardcore-tropical-indie-grunge.

Unlike African-tribal-post hardcore-tropical-indie-grunge, Pop music stars generally don't stray to far from their typical mold. It's the same thing every time.

The Slutty Blonde- This is THE most common pop star that exists. Madonna pioneered this in the 80s. In the 90s Britney Spears helped awaken the inner-pedo-demons of so many hapless fifty-something men, akin to what Mena Suvari did to Kevin Spacey in American Beauty. Lady Gaga took it and made it "artsy", Christina Aguilera made it manly, Kesha made it smell like fermented panda bear urine, Miley Cyrus made it Disney, and the list goes on. It's typically the same exact thing rehashed over and over again, it's similar to the when K-Mart decided to become Big K-Mart.

You literally just changed the sign dude

Unfortunately the oversexed blonde singer is a cornerstone in American pop culture. And if they didn't insist on being famous and making music I probably wouldn't have as much of a problem with these talentless slags.

What it takes to be a famous singer

The Auto-tuned Hip Hop Star- This is some of the most common and offensive trash on the radio. There was once a time when hip hop meant something, Grand Master Flash, Marley Marl, Nas, Public Enemy. Hip hop was a smoothly spoken poetic commentary on African American culture. It stood for something. These days rap music is autotuned, it doesn't rhyme, and it's lyrical content is disturbingly unintellectual. These are the dark ages of hip hop music.

By the way, he just got out of jail so don't expect this to end anytime soon

Children- Sweat shops and pop music have exploited children for decades. Sure Walt Disney was a raging anti-semite, but he would be astounded by the morally atrocious things being done under his name today. The Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana, and Hilary Duff are all huge sex icons marketed at children. Justin Bieber would fit into this category as well. Am I the only person that finds this offensive? Why aren't the marketing executives at Disney in jail?

And the family friendly children pop artists like Lil Bow Wow and Aaron Carter are just plain ol lame.

Sorry Aaron nobody wants to go to your non-alcoholic party

I Used to be Punk: Believe it or not U2 used to be a pretty underground band. Fall Out Boy actually put out some really amazing landmark pop punk albums before they were tabloid trash. And if you were alive when I was a toddler there was actually a time when Green Day was a punk band. The pop music landscape is littered with once punks who sold out and now pollute radio stations around the world.

Pop Music's Effect On Society

Pop music is part of the fabric of modern life. It's like electricity, all around you, yet nowhere at all. Radio, commercials, movies, television, elevators, grocery stores, birthday cards, the internet. It's everywhere. So what is pop music's affect on us a society?

It teaches us to think less, it challenges us at nothing, it instills morally reprehensible values on our society, and it makes us lesser people. Teenage girls, people in their 20s, that guy that works at Aeropostle, these are the type of people it affects the most. It perpetuates mediocrity in our youth. Kesha teaches young women to be scuzzy drunken dirtbags. The Backstreet Boys inspired a whole generation of useless men with nice hair.

Do you really want your children to look up to this homeless witch?

How do we end this reign of tyranny?

It' hard to say if it's even possible. The people who listen to pop music have the attention span of a brain dead aardvark, because of this pop music is ever changing. It'd be nice to live in a world without bad music, but the prospect of which seems highly unlikely.

Pop music is like the Holocaust of the sound-waves. If you want to stop it get involved. Stop buying tabloid newspapers, start downloading more music, protest Soulja Boy, set fire to every record store in a hundred mile radius of you. Well maybe don't do that, but the truth is pop music will never end because we just sit there like Kanye West eating caviar off of a platinum album. We act too much like pop stars to ever stop listening to them. Pop stars represent the shallowness of humanity, and that's why the new Enrique Iglesias song is freaking awesome.

Sweet!!