Unappreciated Disney Villains

Disney Villains are often over-looked because of the movie they were placed in. Here are a few hidden favorites.

My Armani shirt was ruined by the Hunchback. He shall pay.

Just The Facts

  1. Disney Villains are often ranked by the popularity of their movie and not their crimes
  2. Name FIVE Disney Villains right now.
  3. If any of them are the Queen of Hearts, Jafar, Ursula, The Queen from Snow White or Cruelle Devile than you SUCK.
  4. Just the facts, don't blame me...

Stromboli:: Pinocchio - 1940

You may not remember much about Stromboli or Pinocchio the movie. To recap it's about a puppet master named Geppetto wishes upon a star that he has a son. Pinocchio gets turned into a talking piece of kindling and gets into all sorts of shenanigans. Which include drinking, smoking, gambling, destruction of property and theft.

Sounds like the little wooden puppet is more of a villain than Stromboli!

Until you look at his impressive track record.

After purchasing Pinocchio from a boy his own age who robbed and kidnapped him, Stromboli forces Pinocchio into slave labor. He is forced to sing and dance while tied to strings for hours on end with no pay. After the little puppet cries and asks to go home Stromboli responds in a completely reasonable way.

By threatening to burn him alive and locking him in a cage.

In the short screen time Stromboli actually has, he has committed several crimes that the UN would be up in arms about had it happened to some child from a third world country like India, or Arkansas.

The Damages:

�· Slave Trade and Trafficking

- Child Labor Law Infringement

�· Attempted Murder

�· Aggravated Assault

- Unlawful Imprisonment

And although it's not mentioned in the movie, we're pretty sure Stromboli was a child molester and used Pinocchio to sodomize himself several times. Although we can't say it's true, it probably is

Professor Ratigan:: The Great Mouse Detective - 1986

The Great Mouse Detective is either the best movie created about rats or the worst Sherlock Holmes rip-off ever. Whichever you choose ProRat, as I shall now refer to him, is a baller. First off he has a top hat and a pimp cane. ProRat has a voice like butter and a smile that makes you want to vomit. In short ProRat is quite possibly the most disgusting animated character in the world.

Now you may be saying to yourself,

But Lauren! I have a top hat, pimp cane, buttery voice and make people want to throw up. Does that make me a villain?

Of course not. It just makes you a tool.

ProRat can pull it off because he's not fucking real, and he's a rat.

The beauty of ProRat is that the entire film he messes with the heroes by doing simple things. Like kidnapping a little girl and whisking her away through New York in a helium balloon.

A FUCKING HELIUM BALLOON. The last time science tried that, it blew up.

Then he decides why not just overthrow the queen of the rat world and replace her with a robot so that he can rule. First off the fact that this rat has avoided poisoned cheese should make people wary. But he also kidnaps tiny mouse school girls and give nightmares to millions of kids.

In case you didn't feel like googling a nine minute clip about this guy, I'll also mention that the small mouse child he kidnapped has no parents because her dad was kidnapped, BY RATTIGAN HIMSELF. Rattigan orphaned a mouse child and then kidnapped her like he did her father!

So, for you slow readers out there, I'll break it down. Little schoolgirl mouse has no mother, it's just her dad. Until her dad is kidnapped by this guy named Rattigan. Then, a newly orphened mouse child is kidnapped, by the same guy who kidnapped her dad.

By the way, her father that he kidnapped, is building the new queen to replace the real queen he's planning on killing.

So, the damages:

Kidnapping X2

�· Assassination Plot

�· Unlawful Imprisonment

- Grand Theft Auto

�· Being A Tool

�· Party Crashing

Okay, The last two are not federal offenses unless you're crashing a party thrown by the Obama's

Chernabog:: Fantasia - 1940

Chernabog is in a scene from Fantasia called Night on Bald Mountain.

First off, Bald Mountain? Yeah, the mountain is actually Chernabog's fucking wings. The beast's wings are so massive that he fooled an entire village into thinking it was a mountain. His evil really takes form when Boggy, again nicknamed, covers the entire village in darkness with his wings and then summons the ghosts of hanged criminals and jaded war casualties.

Then he makes them all dance around him while he takes females, all most likely virgins, from the village and feeds them to the fire he's created so he can summon more demons and evil spirits. The only thing that can kill this monster is dawn.

But the village gives him fair warning by using church bells.

If you know the only way to kill something is the sun, don't fucking warn him that the sun is coming out!

None of this seems as evil as the other two. Until you realize the spirits of hardened criminals are now wandering around pissed off that they didn't finish their ritual. Jaded war heroes who never got compensated for their time served are also angry. Plus their village has ZERO virgins because they are now bubbling away in the fire of Bald Mountain.

The Damages:

�· Witch Craft

�· Multiple Accounts of Murder

Grave Robbing


Okay, I probably just made that last one up. But come on, the dude is fucking awesome.

Gaston:: Beauty and The Beast - 1991

Gaston is the stereotypical manly man. Belle is the average, run of the mill feminist bitch. How the hell can I say Gaston is a villain? Well, because he is.

Gaston starts off by trying to get Belle to marry him all while insulting her intelligence. Then when she says no, he does what any real man would do. Arrange a wedding without her knowing, break into her home and try to kidnap her to the ceremony.

SURPRISE! She shuts him down again.

After being cheered up by his buddies he receives knew that Belle is in trouble. So naturally he takes a swig of beer and has the messenger thrown out of the bar instead of saving her.

Then he gets romantic by bribing the asylum owner into threatening to take Belle's father away if she doesn't marry him. So after losing Belle AGAIN to such foul proof methods, he locks her up and goes to murder the Beast.


Breaking and Entering

Attempted Kidnapping

Aggravated Assault



Unlawful Imprisonment

Attempted Murder

Gaston. Fruity Queen? Or criminal mastermind?

Uh, I'm going with Queen on this one.