Blood Diamond

Blood Diamond, My true story that inspired a reasonable film, huh? - By Daniel Archer.

Me, posing for picture, (off screen, massive explosion)

The Diamond in question, held by Solomon.

Just The Facts

  1. I did not die at the end of my book
  2. Now I live in a massive pimp mansion using the money I made from the sale
  3. I do not actually have any morality. (the real ending, is covered later)
  4. Africa is way more dangerous then personified.
  5. I actually sound exactly like Leo depicted in the film.

Begins

It was a mysteriously bland and calm morning in 2002 when I first met with Edward Zwick, and a generic producer from Warner Bro's.

They came to meet me in the lobby of my Monrovian hotel. This was a big step for both of them, my story could, if told correctly, lead to the collapse of western economy and end the diamond trade as it is know to the world.

5 years later and after being Nominated for 5 Academy Awards, in the categories of Editing, Sound Editing and Mixing, Best Lead and Supporting Actor, the diamond trade has not even slightly changed, however western economy has failed, but I don't think this was my fault.

Basically my story was another blimp on the map of failed policital film escapaeds (see Waterworld)