Islands are things that sit in the middle of other things. When they sit in the middle of water, then Islands are awesome (mostly). When they sit in the middle of kitchens then they are boring. Therefore we are only going to cover watery islands.

Honey I think  it would be nice to go!

.....ok but somewhere safe for the kids....

Lets go to an Island!!! Where nothing can go wrong evar!11

Just The Facts

  1. An Island is a piece of land surrounded by water on all sides.
  2. An Island is probably like an isthmus except no one knows what the fuck an isthmus is.
  3. Islands are filled with fun loveable people who enjoy life (also Dutch serial killers)
  4. Pen Island makes me giggle.
  5. People like pretty islands more so then ugly shitty islands.

Types of floaty Islands (they float don't they?)

Islands are diverse. Here are the 3 Major type of Islands:

An awesome tropical destination filled with lush jungle, wildlife, and Jamaican sounding people trying to sell you shitty weed. These type of Islands are full of idiot (mostly) fat tourists who think eating at a TGIF at a Club Med is somehow cultural. If you are single this type of island is a great place to get an STD.

"Hey mon you want to get some real weed and pussy mon!"


An awesome tropical destination filled with lush jungle, wildlife, no tourism and a giant fucking Volcano reigning hell upon the peaceful village. These places tend to be very cheap and are often bad places to catch STD's and eat at TGIF's. However, they are good places to relax in piece and quiet unless the giant volcano tries to burn your soul (and it will want to do that eventually.)

Pictured: Not an Atomic Bomb Blowing Up (seriously thats nature shit yo!)


A frozen piece of shit somewhere up in Canada or something. No one cares about these islands. Mostly polar bears live on these islands. Sometimes these islands contain Volcanos as well which makes it double shitty for people living there.

"An example of a Canadian island."

Islands are found all over the world and are filled with all sorts of interesting people. Some islands even are so remote that to get there you need to take a 36 hour boat ride from Tokyo. Some islands even have people living on them that have never made contact with the modern world (these type of islanders tend to shoot arrows at you if you get too close).

Translation: Get off my lawn!!!

Where do Islands come from!?!?

Hmm...good question! Actually Islands don't float (what are you a fucking retard?)

Many islands were created by Volcano's. Hawaii for example is a chain of Volcanic islands according to TV shows I have watched.

I drawed the Hawaii Islands mommy!! Not pictured anywhere close; Kenya

People like Hawaii because not only do the Volcano's in Hawaii tend to not try to murder you (the people might though) but the Island is reall pretty. It's also a US State which makes it legitimate to people from the Midwest and Texas. Our current President Barack Obama was born in Hawaii according to most sane people and the state of Hawaii.

Not Pictured: Sanity

If you think about it Islands are really just underwater mountains busting through the surface of the water like an earthy mountain bursts above the clouds. Think about it clouds are made of water and water is made of the tears of Ice Volcano's. It's truly magical when you think about it.

"Wo dude did you say"

Island Safety

Safety is a big concern on many islands. Some (me) would say that Islands use their good looks to lore us in before murdering, raping, and stealing our sandals.

The Carribean is a very large collection of Islands that is well known for massive amounts of tourism....Oh and massive amounts of murder.

"Excuse me Mister could you spare a..." *Stab* *Stab* *Stab*

Jamaica, one of the more popular islands in the Carribean, routinely has one of the top 5 murder rates in the world.

The state department says the following totally peace and love things man:

SAFETY AND SECURITY: Violence and shootings occur regularly in certain areas of Kingston and Montego Bay.

The Carribean in general has a high amount of crime due to the massive amount of poverty combined with the massive amount of idiot tourists flashing their jewlrey around.

If you don't want to be murdered while on a "Carribean" island vacation you should go to Dominica or Bermuda (what am I a cartographer). Both of which have murder rates even lower then the safe and God Blessed USA.


Why people like Islands?!

Despite their sick intentions Islands really can be lovely places. Like most places on earth the more people there the shittier the scene is.

Warm islands with swimming, snorkeling, jet skiing, boob watching, fishing, and boob watching are some of the most picturesque places on the planet.

Gosh honey the Islands are so scenic this time of year!

Lets face it water makes everything better and since islands have a shit ton of water all around them then they actually are pretty cool...until a shark eats you.

But what it really comes down to is that people really like to get hammered and percure skin cancer.

Thats hot!

GO ISLANDS! (at your own risk)