Why Do We Do This?

People can't seem to grasp the truth that perfection doesn't exist, and while people go from cracking their knuckles to screwing piles of fecal matter, one can only wonder why humans do such weird things, and call them bad habits. Too name a few...

Just The Facts

  1. Human's are fascinated with limits
  2. They will go beyond the limits
  3. The limits will say "Fuck it" and allow people to make Mother Nature cry

#1. Bondage, why?

"Oh George! really, I'm quite alright!" said the horrified wife as her aroused spouse began approaching her with a smoldering hot cattle brand.

With access to such a wide variety of sexual devices, Human beings have obtained the ability to create fetishes that would make Darwin rethink numerous theories. As a species, we are one of the few living things that not only have sex for reproduction, but also use sex as a pleasurable experience, and what you may find to be your cup of tea, might as well be another's scolding hot cup of shit.

"Quite Right!"

Bondage, greatly known for its support for the leather industry, has been running rampant amongst modern day pornography. To be more informative for the unaware, if one wishes to search for such information, the phrase "Porn videos of people getting the SHIT kicked out of them, and lovin' it!" should do well in your quest to burn your eyes out.

It doesn't stop with playing a game of "You're the horsey, now eat the bridle" (the bridle consisting of mostly rope and red rubber balls). Apparently, some people get off by hanging by their skin (discretion of wikipedia link), with nothing to support them but the loving embrace of multiple... meathooks? sounds like a sexy party waiting to happen!

The list can go on to be longer than a holy bible of bondage ridden matrimony. As long as someone is finally bored enough to say "Hey! sex is nice, but I was thinking about being tied up and strangled tonight!" Bondage will remain to be one of those things mom and dad will do on your bed when you have gone to college... or sooner if they are wishing to fill your childhood with nothing but therapy and pills.

#2. Dressing up, and then going too far

Understanding a basic fact in life can do wonders for both genders. Men, pretend to Loooooove that totally cute dress your true love is going to buy with a price tag costing about a man's yearly salary. Ladies... well, I don't want to be the one to gently rest my lips around the barrel of a shotgun loaded with angry estrogen, so just keep bringing your men shopping! we LOVE IT!

They're 'happy tears'!

The issue with all of this is that girls may THINK they are making themselves more attractive, but the same thing can be said for a piece disfigured road kill being forced to wear a bow tie. yes it does add an aesthetic appeal, but it doesn't even hide the fact that a piece of rotting flesh is wearing an object from Men's warehouse.

In my defense, yes it does help to look nice, but when you are going to extent of saying cloths make you prettier, take the same priceless diamond etched dress and plant it on Rosie O'donnel and tell him he looks gorgeous!

No need to explain when dressing up goes to far, because when you look like a 3 year old who's having a good time... when you are in your 40's, it explains itself.

#3. Relieve stress! (Damn you body!)

We have all been there, nibbling away on that tasty morsel of skin and there comes a time in everyone's life when you must choose what to do with this debris in your mouth... spit or swallow?

That joke may be in poor taste, but truly, what IS it about attacking our own bodies that makes us believe the stress will float away?

"NOW I can do my essay!"

From grinding your teeth, or nail biting, to actually cutting our own bodies with sharp objects that even your local dentist would find to cruel to use, what is it that fascinates us so much about our bodies renewal effects? Well, it has to do with our prehistoric ways of both cleansing our bodies of old materials, and getting the sensation that you are now more prepared to tackle the task at hand.

#4. Creating a "standard" in society

This one can sum up all the craziness in humanity. Tell me, what do you think would happen if there wasn't any form of authority, higher rule, or daddy and his belt?

"Fucking Smurf armies man!"

You see, human's have begun to believe that we are so incredible, that being completely independent would be a godsend for us all. Name one other mass race that lives in groups and doesn't have a higher authority. Not one, they all NEED a pack-leader too have a stabilized tribe of their own, and whether you name it politics or religion, they are ALL a form of not only uniting others, but controlling them.

Do you really think we established diplomacy, or even bosses in jobs for the sole purpose of 'shits and giggles'?. Or to just have the lower end of the stick getting laughed at for making lower wages? It's for a tiny bit of "You work hard, you get to have higher leadership"

Believe it or not, without a little control in our lives we would be the ones gnawing on bones and cleaning our asses with the scalp of our latest victim, because we NEED others to rely on others to rely on others to rely on others so you can sit your ass on the couch and watch TV without having to worry about homicidal death midgets raping your house pets!

"Polly wants my Cracker"

Humanity has it's quirks, and unfortunately the list of oddities we practice can only be explained with the use of an exorcist and a handful of narcotics. Now get back to work! - Or if your job consists of doing nothing but reading more articles on Cracked.com, I salute you for doing a damn fine job!