Local Weathermen

I went to college for this?

Just The Facts

  1. To become one of these upstanding individuals you need a bachelor's degree of meterology.
  2. Weathermen accept that fact that they will never bang the sub-par hot anchor girl....ever.
  3. Not every weatherman can work for Fox news...they do exist on NBS and CBS...it's spreading...

Local Weathermen

So many of us when we were kids dreamed of becoming police officers or fire fighters and some of us went on to be come them (I'm a fire fighter ladies....just saying). Others went to college out of high school and others went on to work in the service industry.

Look ma! No College!

"Look Ma no College!"

Somewhere in between the time we graduated college and that one night where we MIGHT have accidentally banged a distant cousin we all thought, "What am I going to do with my life?" For me, I still havn't figured it out...I may never know. But I do know that being a local weatherman has to be a great job! If I wasn't already broke and lazy I might consider going back to school to get the training. I'm saying this because in what other field, with minimal required education, do you get to be on television and say whatever the hell you want without having any proof to back it up?

Oh right.

So you just graduated college with a bacholors in meterology.

Congratulations! You now begin the arduous task of finding work. This is not uncommon! Every person graduated college only to find that they basically just graduated High School again and now they have to find a job. The only difference is now you're in debt! Welcome to adulthood!

"I cant even read what these bills are for! ahh!"

Grab the local newspaper from a local restaurant or steal your neighbors and look at the jobs section. Does it have any listings to local weatherman in these? No? That's weird right? I mean, every city has at least 3-4 local news stations and every station HAS to have spots for at least 1 day, evening and weekend weatherman right?

This is where you learn the same thing the rest of us learned the last time we applied for a job and didn't get it. There is always someone better than you at everything you can do awesome.

This is how I learned to write complete sentences awesome!

So now you found a news station that is actually hiring, what do you do? Where did you find that job listing anyway? Freaking craigslist? Are you serious? Okay you got an interview now remember these things and take notes. You are a lying, manipulative piece of crap. You graduated only because you remembered the difference between a cumulo nimbus and a cirrus but now can't remember exactly what a tornado is. Wear a suite and don't make eye contact with the hot news anchor. Try and be funny, but not TOO funny. Don't be a total dick.

"Must rap at 73 degrees..."

Did you really just get that job? I mean what did you say to them? Wait, you're a democrat! You don't lie and trick people. You went to college for liberal arts and meteorology! You smoked pot with the stoners in the park and had a drum circle with the hippies to celebrate mother earth! How has this job changed you to much! You haven't even started there yet! What can possibly be happening here?

Oh right.

Now go out there and lie. Lie like you never have before! Lie with the guessing average of less than 80%. Go unintentionally draw giant dicks to support your theory on warm fronts and global warming. Oh you got a job at Fox news? Never mind about the global warming thing then...