Explain, Avatar, EXPLAIN!
An open Letter to Avatar that does not have to do with the plot ripping off Pocahontas.
Just The Facts
- Avatar is a movie of epic and groundbreaking proportions.
- -and by "Epic" I mean; "the story was terrible."
- -and by "Groundbreaking" I mean; "the mechanics of it didn't make sense either."
Dear Avatar,
People seem to be caught up on the terrible story revolving around Avatar. Sadly, they are forgetting the important things. Such as the NITPICKING, the SCIENCE, the LOGIC, the WHY THE FUCK DOES THE HORSE NEED 6 GODDAMN LEGS?!
Therefore, I must ask, you, Avatar movie, to please put down your tissue you've been blowing on for getting passed over at the recent award shows and explain the following;
Fauna Failures.
-Why does everything on Pandora have 6 legs and four eyes..except the na'vi? Nature is efficient and there is no way a non top-heavy animal would require two sets of front legs. It is a design nightmare for locomotion. You can see it when anything with 4 front legs runs in the movie. The legs have to run together or else they'll collide into each other, rendering their existence pointless. That's extra energy spent for no reason. Evolution designs are based on necessary balances for an animal to function. T-Rex had a big-ass head for his big-ass teeth, thus; he had a big ass tail and strong legs to balance him like a fulcrum, and little arms to keep weight down in the front. That design, though odd, at least worked and made sense. Granted, we, in real life, have the Platypus, but nature looks the other way when it comes to that thing. We all do. It's kind of an understanding everyone has because he is small and offers few delicious anatomical parts.
-Speaking of Energy, how does a 14-foot tall horse sustain itself with a nose nozzle like an anteater, and tongue like a hummingbird, thereby suggesting it only lives on flower nectar and/or dew? We see it in the movie, it sticks it's affront-to-God tongue in and out of a flower and everyone in the theatre is distracted by the close-ups of its heaving belly and the dramatic breathing sound effects blasting into their ear drums to care. They do this to convince us this Horse is not some half-assed CGI cartoon, but is actually there, in front of us, alive. But I'm not convinced. What the fuck else could this thing possibly eat? It obviously can't chew, it has no teeth, which also means it can't rip up grass or tear off leaves...The gay-ass fanboy site dedicated to Wikipedia-fying Avatar states this horse is bigger then an Elephant and that, I quote; "The Direhorse is a land omnivore that uses its long snout, as well as its long giraffe-like tongue, to feed on sap. It is able to capture some protein intake through insects trapped inside the sap." NO. FUCK YOU. A 14-foot tall beheamouth with 6 legs WILL NOT BE SUSTAINED ON SAP and INSECTS. Look, I'm 5'8", 140 pounds and I couldn't sustain myself for 5 days on MILKSHAKES. IT WOULD HAVE TO DRINK GALLONS OF SAP AND EAT AN ENTIRE COLONY OF ANTS EVERY OTHER HOUR, ALL DAY LONG. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH AN ELEPHANT OR EVEN A REGULAR SIZE HORSE EATS? They should have named this horse the "Dire-Straits" because that's the state it would constantly be in. Also, why the hell did James Cameron have to put multiple breathing holes on the front of this horse...
....LIKE A GODDAMN GRILL ON A FORD MUSTANG?
Now, every time it moves forward, it takes in the dust of whatever is in front of it. Great design there guys. Why don't I just move my nose to my neck? Imagine if people had to breathe out of their neck all the time. Who could do that? I mean, that would only happen if there existed some magic sticks we might light on fire just to inhale the smoke. -And I can tell you one thing my friend, that is ridiculous. Mankind isn't that stupid! ...*cough*
Now, every time it moves forward, it takes in the dust of whatever is in front of it. Great design there guys. Why don't I just move my nose to my neck? Imagine if people had to breathe out of their neck all the time. Who could do that? I mean, that would only happen if there existed some magic sticks we might light on fire just to inhale the smoke. -And I can tell you one thing my friend, that is ridiculous. Mankind isn't that stupid! ...*cough*
-What is the source of the force those lizards achieve in order to spin around and generate enough lift to fly off the ground with a single wing? Nothing takes off from a stationary position with one wing. What the lizard concept was trying to emulate was Leonardo da vinci's airscrew machine.
But that shit doesn't work because; A. there is no mechanism to keep the main body from rotating in the direction opposite the blades. B. no mechanism to deal with wind. [If wind is blowing across the blades, one side is effectively moving through the air faster than the other, meaning the lizard will flip over and crash.] C. The lizard is not generating any power to get the thing started, nor keep it going long enough to escape gravity, let alone glide. What the fuck, when I pay to see high tech shit with 3-D glasses, I expect the same kind of mechanics in my movie. If I wanted to get ripped off, I'd buy ANOTHER tub of popcorn and settle for living on Top Ramen for the rest of the fiscal year.
-How do those big ass hammerhead rhinos withstand bullets from a caliber of a gun so large it takes a machine to lift it? If they have such a tough hide, how does anything hunt them? All herbivores serve the purpose to be eaten. Explain!!! Animals exist to eat and be eaten. Even fucking trees have to play a role. Again, I must cite the platypus as a possible exception. Is that thing extinct yet? How the fuck is the Dodo and the Eastern Elk extinct and that thing is still hanging around Australia and my nightmares? I know there were no prominent roles filled by platypus in your movie, but I want answers, dammit.
Character Crap-Ups.
-Why the hell did the gunners of the female pilot's hovercraft not report her when she flew off and decided not to shoot the tree near the end? Where did they go after that scene, drinking? I waited the whole movie for this to be explained. I thought her and her crew would be tight or knocking boots. I'd imagine if you're part of a chopper crew, you'd eventually form ties at some point. Neither one of these idiots appear later in the movie or reported her. It can therefore be deduced that they didn't hate her enough to MAKE her fire on the Tree or at LEAST report her, but that they also were not cool enough with her to help her break the marine and sigourney weaver and that other dude out of that one-man guarded prison. They were there for the sake of...being there. EXPLAIN, AVATAR! EXPLAIN!
-Why does a corporation bent on destroying the landscape and firing upon the local wildlife allow Sigourney Weaver's character to throw her weight around and move their facilities? Was there a point at ALL for having that pushover CEO with the cowlick? She's on his payroll, right? It would be like human resources marching up to the CEO and demanding to relocate to Los Angeles. Why was she even brought in to discuss peace when they already had a small army there with nukes and soldiers in the first place? It doesn't sound like her plan was expected to ever work from the getgo. Fuck you spell check, getgo is a word.
-Why did the general send in ground troops at the last battle? The fight was in the AIR. The last battle scene included a convoy of airships escorting a bomber. In a scene earlier in the movie, this same unit attacked and knocked out a big tree the na'vi really liked. We also saw that the arrows, sticks and stones of the na'avi had no effect on the airships. The last Mission was to destroy the Deity of the na'vi. So why were there troops dropped onto the ground? What was the point of that? The general already knew they couldn't be attacked from the ground by the na'vi when they were in the air. The na'vi had no surface-to-air offensive weaponry. The mission was simple; get close to the deity, drop the nuke, and the blue people will be broken in spirit and disperse without it. THAT'S IT. WHERE DOES "LAND ON THE GROUND SO THEY CAN ATTACK US WITH EVERYTHING THAT MOVES" FIT INTO THAT EQUATION?
And it's a shame because I really liked this guy, the way he was takin' care of business and workin' overtime. I loved when he kicked open the air-lock, thereby endangering the lives of EVERYONE in the compound, and came out, guns blazing without his oxygen mask. I loved his total disregard for the lives he was hired to protect to the point his mentality became "to kill one person is more important then say, breathing." -But this display of strategic and military incompetence ruined everything. If he had just added those troops to his convoy in the sky and ignored the na'vi on the ground, he would have won because all those people and animals they gathered would have been taken out of the playing field. Did I miss something? You strike the head and the body falls. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF LANDING ON THE GROUND WHEN YOU HAD THE ADVANTAGE IN THE AIR? DROP THE FUCKING BOMB AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!
Misc Mess.
-What was powering those stupid portable labs where the marine lived and used to get into the Avatar bodies? Love? Nothing powers sophisticated technology and life support like that in such small quarters for such a long time. It was the size of a goddamn redneck trailer and stranded on a mountain. How the fuck did those stay powered for so long? If the battery on my iphone can't get me through half a day, how the fuck is that trailer providing oxygen, powering computers, monitors, life support and machines that act as a telepathic device for months on end?
-Why the fuck was there an "enhance" scene? Not only was the main protagonist stupid enough to attack the bulldozer camera head-on so they could see him, despite him knowing he was already treading on thin ice with the general, but then we get to have a classic scene wherein a fuzzy image is cleared up by way of someone saying "enhance". WHY? WHERE IS THE ORIGINALITY?
-HOW THE FUCK DID THE QUEEN OF THE NA'VI KNOW THE MOTHER DEITY TREE COULD SWITCH BODIES BETWEEN AN ORGANISM IT HAD NEVER ENCOUNTERED BEFORE AND A FAKE NA'VI BODY? Humans had never even seen the tree until Sigourney Weaver was brought in to try and switch bodies. Yet, the goddamn tree can magically link up to a foreign alien species and exchange its mind and soul with this 9 foot tall cat creature...
- Despite the fact no human was allowed to see, let alone come in contact with it before.
- Despite the fact that humans don't have those tentacle ponytails.
And the na'vi allow this magical transformation...
- Despite the fact that every other human had shot them or treated them unkindly.
- Despite the fact that not two scenes ago, the main protagonist marine infiltrated and deceived them, which resulted in their big tree getting blown the fuck up and the death of the Leader of the Na'vi.
HOW STUPID ARE THESE BLUE PEOPLE?
-And even if you look past all of that, answer me this; IF THEY COULD AT LEAST TRY THIS CEREMONY WHEN SIGOURNEY WEAVER WAS BROUGHT IN, WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST MAKE JAKE SULLY A NA'VI RIGHT THEN AND THERE?! WHAT WERE THEY WAITING FOR? GET THE CHOPPER AND BRING HIS BODY HERE AND DO IT! The Queen of the Na'vi SPECIFICALLY SAID Sigourney Weaver's Character died because she was TOO WEAK for the body transfer to work. HEY ASSHOLES, HOW ABOUT TRYING IT NOW ON A PERFECTLY HEALTHY GUY INSTEAD OF WAITING UNTIL AFTER A BATTLE WHERE HE COULD BE POTENTIALLY FATALY HURT LIKE THAT BITCH THAT JUST DIED MID-TRANSFER? WHAT DA' FUUUUUUCCCKKKK?!!!! EXPLAIN!!!
I swear, if the people at the movie theatre you saw this in were not actualized into a class 3 unruly mob by this point, it would be safe to deduce that there is, in fact, no God. Regardless, at MY theatre, we were all weighing the benefeits and drawbacks of utilizing the Phalanx Technique over the Fabian Strategy in regards to our torch and pitchfork formations when we were hit with the biggest failure of all...
Pandora ...Just Doesn't Make Sense.
...How the fuck are there...floating mountains...with waterfalls?!
Waterfalls imply water is at the top..top of what?! WHERE THE FUCK IS THE WATER COMING FROM?
These mountains are in and above the clouds, condensation does not replenish that quickly. And another thing, you guys are intelligent people, right? So you've at least seen pictures of the Andes, the Himalayas, and Mount Everest? You know what all of these Mountains of HIGH Altitude have in common? Try SNOW, ICE and ATMOSPHERIC PRESSURE, which require EQUIPMENT TO HELP YOU BREATHE at -70 degrees F. You do realize that even in the summer of the hottest temperatures, even when flowers bloom at the base, mountains of high altitude have SNOW ALL YEAR 'ROUND? RIGHT? That the higher you go, the colder it gets? Are you as mad as I am yet? Oh, and what is holding these giant snowless rocks in place...those vines? Those are some strong vines to be holding a MOUNTAIN in place. And I guess these mountains are not affected by wind? What's that you say? Weight doesn't apply in weightless vaccums or vortexs you say? Well, there IS weight because the WATER is FALLING DOWN and NOTHING FLOATS but the ROCK. These mountains would be blown out of the vortex by the slightest breeze and into regular areas of non-vortex resulting in them plummeting to Pandora's surface, squashing everything beneath them. NOTHING MAKES SENSE ON PANDORA! Also, how the hell is this vortex isolated within a planet? WHAT ARE THE LAWS OF PHYSICS AND GRAVITY ON THIS PLANET? The vines don't float, the water doesn't float, ONLY the ROCK? EXPLAIN, you stupid movie! I'm having a stroke over here!! I haven't been this baffled and pissed off since Superman made the Earth spin in an opposite direction in order to reverse the laws of Physics, Time and Death! Sadly, I would WELCOME that right about now!
And to James Cameron as well as all the people who ate up this movie without question...
Fuuuuuuckkk
yoouuuuuuu!!
Unless you're a platypus.
Bonus Review of 2012 can be found below.
Why is this guy so angry about a movie?
ReplyALL POPULAR AND SUCCESSFUL MOVIES SUCK HUR DUR THEY HAVE A s****y STORY GUR
ReplyI'm kind of bummed they didn't mention the disturbing Avatar bodies or how erasing the mind of a lab grown creature and walking around in it's skin is seen as cheery and normal in the movie.
ReplyThe thing that creeped me out the most was the mindless avatar body they showed floating in a tank and the way humans controlled living creatures that would of otherwise been thinking beings. It's like a reverse case of alien body snatchers or pod people! Think about how wrong it would look if Earth was attacked by aliens and the invading hideous aliens engineered a fully human looking
being with combined human and alien DNA and then erased the mind of this nice, innocent, fully conscious, and thinking being. Just so they could control it like a puppet and infiltrate human society.That would make them seem evil and disturbing and the mindless monsters would of been destroyed for being abominations.
They even said the Avatar body had brain waves, meaning it was a living
(possibly thinking) creature when it was growing in the lab before the humans got a hold of it and erased its brains. And the way it's hands grasped and moved when it was first introduced floating in the tank ment it wasn't fully brain dead but could still think and act a little without Sully's control. They never mentioned the bodies being any different from normal Na'vi. But that the only thing special was that they had human and Na'vi DNA. That means it had the possibility of being a separate, free, conscious, thinking being that had a will of it's own. Before some a*****e in a wheelchair came along that REALLY wanted to bone some blue hot chick and needed it's body.
I'm probably reading to much into this but still, you'd think the ethics of mind controlled zombies would of at least been mentioned in the movie.
Why can the rhinos not be bulletproof, just because they're herbivores?
ReplyI mean, real-life rhinos aren't hunted by anything apart from poachers.
Yeah, but at the beginning of the movie, when the rhino-thing attacks the Marine, that panther-thing scares the rhino-thing away, and if I remember correctly, Panther-Thing tried to go after Rhino-Thing and his family. So that means that rhino-things do have predators, at least when they're alone, that regularly hunt them. Which bring us to the question, how do the panther-things kill the rhino-things? If a machine gun can't pierce Rhino-Thing's hide, how the hell is Panther-Thing killing them?
I'm still trying to figure out the "ALIEN SEX" part?
ReplyNow granted Avatar was somewhat a family film(Rated PG13)But, do the Na'vi\Avatars have humanoid antomy like penises and vagina's how do they give birth to their babies? they don't perform crude c-sections on them do they?(I mean they're just so flawless, A.K.A "NO SCARS")
And the ponytail thingy they have on their heads, they use to in their sexal act,they use that to hook up with the Pandoran animals too! EXPLAIN this one Cameron!! Because if they don't have penises and vaginas and this is the way they have sex...I mean, kind of kinky and twisted(DISTURBING) if you stop to think about it,
Gee I thought this was a family movie???!!!
I hope Cameron does make an Avatar 2 I hope he "EXPLAINS" a lot of how all this s**t works!
I'm still hoping Col. Quaritch can be brought back through some sort of LEGITIMATE(believable)scientific method and gives him a female love intrest or else I'm going to forget what REAL sex with a real man looks like!
I have had all the "BLUE(ALIEN) SEX" I can stand!!! Or at the very least see "ubber skinny, amazonian, blue Barbie and Ken(Jake and Neytiri) going at it the way humans do! Gee... something !!!!
Human birth is exceptional in the *known* animal kingdom, in part because humans give birth to essentially premature young...unlike deer, goat, etc. who can fully run and are capable hours after birth.
One reason for this is because humans have an extended cranial capacity(read: "big brain") which needs to form outside the human body, otherwise birthing could be fatally impossible with a fully-grown human head: "Because you have eaten the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, you will bring forth children in pain", to paraphrase the Bible.
It's possible that the Na'vi simply give birth to smaller babies, like dogs or pandas do, which means they don't have to be built the same way to accodomate a large-skulled birth like humans.
BTW: The "ponytail" thing might just be a bit of intimacy or kink rather than an actual part of the sexual coupling...like using your tongue when having sex; it isn't part of the sexual act, but serves to heighten the experience.
The last 30 minutes of Avatar ruined the movie for me. I can accept nonsensical biology and flying mountains (even if I did think the mountains looked like they should be in Final Fantasy). I can't accept that a technologically advanced army could be defeated by stick-wielding natives. f**k that. Less than 200 Spanish conquistadors (with guns and horses) completely destroyed 80,000 Inca, but James Cameron tries to say that an army with advanced weaponry could be defeated by people who don't have any weapons more advanced than bows and arrows. Yet the army sends in ground troops without body armor (for protection against poison arrows) and without bulletproof glass on their vehicles. Apparently the entire company and their troops had a collective lobotomy.
ReplyToo bad the colonel died, he's so badass that he doesn't even need to breathe air!
The na'vi DIDN'T defeat the human army. the humans ripped them to shreds, and then like every animal on Pandora defeated them.
Now, when I write this, don’t think that I am one of those people who worship Avatar. I’m not. However, I do think that you guys are being kinda unfair, and more importantly getting pissed for no reason.
ReplyFirst, if the plot rips off Pocahontas, I must have missed the part of Pocahontas where John Smith joins the natives and leads them against the white men. No? Pocahontas is a pacifist movie that preaches against senseless violence (there wasn’t actually any gold there), while Avatar advocates sensible violence (hey, they want to force us off our land so that they can take Unobtanium, but we’re fighting back). Please note, I am not defending James Cameron’s blatant expression of his white guilt. I am just saying that if anything, the plot is closer to The Last Samurai (and also Ferngully).
Anyway, the 4 eyes aren’t that strange. All the animals with four eyes tend to have very pointed faces, meaning that the eyes on either side of the head don’t have an overlapping field of vision. Having two eyes on each side of the head could guarantee that the animals still have depth perception. The Na'vi have an overlapping field of vision, and thus don't need four eyes.
The six legs thing…well, yeah, that is kinda stupid…though the Thanator predator thing seemed to use the legs pretty well when climbing that tree; it looked sort of like a caterpillar from hell. As for the Direhorse sustaining itself off sap, well, come on, its freakin Pandora. Having an earth view of biology, you just can’t say what’s possible in a totally different ecosystem. Also, there is reduced gravity, so every animal, Direhorses included, would need to exert less energy for…everything. Thus, less energy needed to sustain them, and enter the possibility of sap-sucking horses. As for the multiple neck holes, I really don’t see the issue that you have with them. I’m sure that they have some sort of filter like your nose does (lots of hairs and shit), and the height can’t be an issue, because, you know, nearly all animals have noses below ten feet off the ground.
I’m not even gonna try to defend those lizards. That was one of the few things that I really said “Oh come on,” about while in the theater. Yeah, it’s a s****y design for many reasons.
As for the Rhinos withstanding enormous bullets, we actually only see them withstand the exo-suit guns for about two seconds. It is entirely possible that 1: the f*****g “naturally occurring carbon fibers” mentioned earlier can stop bullets, and 2: that the rhinos kept charging on adrenaline, and would later die a horrible death from bullet wounds. You can shoot a grizzly with a high caliber gun and it will still kill you, and then possibly die itself. Doesn’t mean that we need to complain on the internet about how the grizzly is an impossible life form. As for herbivores needing to be eaten, what kinda fucked up, carnivore-centric s**t is that? Fully grown elephants have no naturally occurring predators when fully grown (also, the Thanator thingy could probably prey on the young rhinos) and the African savanna hasn’t spontaneously combusted. Let’s face it, there is no reason why an herbivore must have a predator. Not being eaten is a main goal of evolution. Again, what's your issue? Would Eywa have dropped in and accused the rhinos of cheating at life if they were too hard to hunt?
The Sigourney Weaver Avatar project probably was something that the stockholders insisted on having nominally to improve PR (yes, because they could just cover up all the violence, they could use the Avatar project to say that at least they tried, even if it was expected to fail. As for sending in ground troops in the final battle…again, something that I also took issue with. In response to zootsura’s comment, yeah he’s clearly not the most intelligent military commander. Not a problem with the movie though.
As for the trailers, if they can make a ship capable of travelling between stars, I think that they can handle powering trailers. As for the mind transfer, I think it has been well addressed by murilo_silva, though I would like to add that a. it was probably a bit of a gamble from the start, trying to switch bodies like that, though it might have worked in the past between a dead Na’vi and a living one (unlikely, given their thing with returning energy to eywa, but possible) b. The Na’vi would pretty much do whatever Jake wanted them to at that point in the story; he’s rode in a f*****g dragon; he’s like a demi-god; c. switching Jake’s body probably didn’t occur to them at the time, there were more pressing issues; also, why switch him TO the body that you said was likely to be put in mortal danger? If his Avatar had died post-switch, he would be entirely fucked; Avatar death pre-switch, and he survives in his human body, just like Norm did.
As for the mountains…yeah, one more thing that I didn’t get while watching the movie. However, as for surviving at the low pressure, those masks must help the humans, right? (the Na’vi are just magical anyway) Still, James Cameron isn’t the only one to have the floating mountain idea (see the Cracked video “5 moments from Avatar that seem suspiciously familiar,” then take up the issue with everyone else with the floating mountain idea)
In response to NikosVarangis’ comment about bombing the tree of souls with B-52’s, we have to assume that the humans neglected to bring bombers on mining expedition (small oversight) But don’t worry, now that the humans know that the Na’vi aren’t f*****g around, they’ll be back with high tech military s**t (see Cracked’s article 6 Movie Heroes Who Actually Made Things Worse) And we’ll all get to see it. “In October 2010, Cameron officially signed an agreement with Fox to direct two sequels to Avatar, which are scheduled to be released in December 2014 and December 2015” –Wikipedia’s article on Avatar. I can’t wait to see what you guys have to say about those movies.
BrianEdgar, have you even heard of the dark side of the moon? We only ever see one half of the moon. The other side is permanently facing away from us.
The one good thing about you guys’ legitimate points is that either James Cameron’s even more of an idiot than you guys think he is, or the sequels are gonna make a lot more sense.
TL;DR
I'm so glad to see someone else who also liked Col. Duke Nukem! Honestly, I rooted for him the entire goddamn movie.
ReplyNow, the body-switching scene is actually pretty easy to explain. You have to think of it as a computer operation: the magic tree is the main computer - with shitloads of USB 9.0 sockets -, and the living things - like navis and humans - are little gadget peripherals, with firmwares - their mind - installed inside.
It's the same of swapping songs from you iPod to your friend's MP3 player. And think on the magic tree as running on an Windows based OS. You can try and handle different types of software with it, but only God knows if the OS will accept it - it's a lottery!
When Ripley died in the tree, it wasn't that she was weak - it was a simple OS glitch. The moment the navi she-shaman hit Ctrl+V, the tree's OS mishandled Ripley's software - it was probably mistaken as a virus, and then sealed her mind away in a folder name "Quarantine" forever. Which, if you think about it, is a much creepier explanation.
To be fair, you could point out that the so called unobtainium #shudder# was a superconducting magnet at room temperature, causing vast repulsive forces between the chunks of floaty rock and the planet.
ReplyIt's still bullshit, but at list it'd polysyllabic bullshit.
thats the actual explanation given by james cameron, by the way
Other baffling things about this movie: Why didn't they just high altitude bomb these blue bastards with B-52's? They're cheap, crude, reliable, efficient, and they can drop over 50,000 pounds of bombs at 50k feet. And there's no way in hell any flying animal there could fly that high with a Na'vi on its back to attack it. But the human race has advanced since 1955. We're much more efficient at killing each other now than 55 years ago. Think how much we will have advanced by the time we're able to leave our solar system? The corporation could've set up a ballistic missile satellite orbiting Pandora to blow s**t up, or use bombers or carrier planes that can fly faster or higher than the one they use, which seems to move slower than any jet is capable of, allowing winged animals weighed down by nine-foot tall blue cat-man. Also, why do they care so much in the beginning about getting bad press? Where is the press reporting on Pandora? Nowhere. Cuz its not worth the years of your life to get there to report on carefully conceived cover stories for why a million pounds of explosives were necessary to clear a plot of land for mining. And wouldn't an "unobtanium" (really original name btw) mine look a lot like an unobtanium mine, where the ground around it was napalmed to hell? I mean, just scoop up the top soil and bodies and brush them to the side and it just looks like dirt. There. Potential PR disaster averted. And what was up with everyone saying "GIT SUM?" Who's gonna use that phrase in like 50 years? Lastly, why is it that military doctrine has not progressed? They're shooting animals with weapons we use today, just on crazy looking weapons systems of questionable value in combat situations, given that they can be defeated by hooligans with bows and arrows.
ReplyThis. THISSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyFor a movie which claimed to be THE "game-changer" in terms of story and fx, Avatar delivered on neither promise very well. The CGI was cool, but tiring after the initial "wow" factor wore off, and the story was shamelessly cribbed from better sources. Most importantly, nearly everyone had to act like idiots in order to push the plot forward. To this end, I humbly submit some suggestions as to how the film would benefit from some Genre Savviness:
As badass as Quaritch was, he made some very glaring tactical errors. First, he should have had Trudy locked up for gross insubordination and grounded her. Second, GET SOME f*****g COMPETENT GUARDS for both the brig and the hangar. Tres, deactivate Sully & Co's ID cards and passcodes. IV, disable Trudy's Samson's ignition and/or keycode so she can't haul ass out of there. Cinq, if you still have ignored steps 1-4 and the gang manages to get airborne, for fuck's sake resist the urge to dick-wave by kicking the airlock open (BTW, why is there a door in the Ops Center that opens STRAIGHT OUT INTO THE POISONOUS ATMOSPHERE? Every other airlock door has a double-wall design) and ammo-spamming your quarry and just send some f*****g Scorpions on their asses. I mean, these are the fuckos who have proven anti-RDA sentiments and are heading straight for the Na'Vi camp to agitate and unite the clans, and you're just going to LET THEM ESCAPE? Get far enough from Hell's Gate, toast 'em with a TOW, then claim that they attacked first. In fact, this may be the ideal way to deal with the problem of Sully making it to the Tree of Souls on that giant f*****g Iroc-Z of a chickenlizard and treetxting every Na'vi withing a 200-kilometer radius. Then all Quaritch would have to deal with is Tsu'Tey and his "Charge of the Light Brigade" tactics consisting of flying right into enemy fire. Do a high-altitude fast descent on the Dragon Gunship over the Tree of Souls instead of getting tangled up in the radar-killing floating rocks, drop trou, s**t boomboom, mop up remaining smurfcats.
Film ends with Quaritch kicking back, lighting a stogie, and making plans to turn the former Tree of Souls grove into coffee plantations.
I want to correct you on some things: number 1. some of the rocks "floating" are being held up by vines it seems, or, maybe the rocks have extremely hot air? Okay, I'll give you that one.
Reply2. The Avatar bodies were Na'vi/Human hybrids, they say in the movie it contains both human and Na'vi DNA
Lol, you're all sound sooo sad.
ReplyAnd what about that fact that this movie ripped off movies besides Pocahontas? Like Ferngully and Braveheart, for example? I want more anger!
ReplyThe Matrix Revolutions, The Last Samurai, Dances with wolves, Halo 3.
One scientific point you missed, that irked me. It seemed that no matter what time of day or night it was, that big gas giant planet was still in the sky. HOW?! Logically, the part of Pandora they are on MUST face away from it at least half the time.
Replyi love super pissed guys with good points
ReplyThe film was great, but it wasn't at all original, it hasn't even made it into my favorites, I won't even ever watch it again, and frankly, if we need 3D always to make a "great movie", then fucked we are. And I loved the "Love?" part haha.
Replyim not gonna pretend I liked this movie. it was OK thats about it.-Why does everything on Pandora have 6 legs and four eyes? well not to mention all the other stuff you said, breathing through the throat, bla bla what ever..I can answer every single question you asked...ITS A DAMN MOVIE..AND A SCI FI MOVIE AT..THATS WHY
ReplyIf I ever meet James Cameron, he's getting a nice megaton punch. The story was so stilted, it made my head hurt.
ReplyI don't even need to read the article to understand that the movie didn't make any sense . I did read it and it's awsome.
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