Prince Of Persia

Despite the name, this movie contains no Persians, even the architecture is really late period Arab and Turkish...

Just The Facts

  1. While the Ubisoft franchise is nothing like what the original game creator intended it's a lot of fun.
  2. It's mostly fun becuase YOU control a character doing awesome jumps and backflips.
  3. The movie is about someone else doing awesome backflips. Kinda like watching someone else have fun.
  4. The other cool part of the games was the kick-ass story filled with dark themes.
  5. But they took that away too. Enjoy!

Cracked on The Prince of Persia

We must admit that when we first saw the news about this movie we air punched and screamed: "Finally!". Almost every video game movie ever made was an exemplay piece of wasted potential, but Prince of Persia could be the one cinematic experience to break the video game curse. We have a great story, bucket-loads of action and a sexy woman; even better the movie is going to be made by the people that made Pirates of the Caribbean, what more do you need?
How about not using Donnie Darko as the Prince?
Wait, really? The guy from Brokeback Mountain is the Prince? Isn't he's an actor typecast for the sensitive yet filled with generic rage character? Why is he the star of a fun, summer action movie? And why that horrible accent he fakes during the trailers? Are we trying to be more ridiculous that Christian Bale in Batman; is that what action movies are all about nowadays: growling in funky accents?
No, there has to be a more reasonable explanation as to why they decided to have Jake Gyllenhaal walk around half naked, masquerading as an action hero. The producers of the movie are probably going to lift the story-line straight out of the game and have the main character be riddled with doubt and generic rage as his homeland is destroyed by his very actions. By God, that could actually work with this actor, maybe these guys are geniuses, I mean they did create a whole trilogy based on a theme park ride.
"This would be an awesome movie! Let's cast Johnny Depp as either the goat or the pirate."
Sadly, before you tattoo "Prince of Persia movie fan 4 Eva" on your shoulder you should know that the whole story is re-written to the point that it's a mismatched, muddled collection of Hollywood cliche's. Nothing makes a love story better than having the Prince bicker with the princess, and everyone knows the young hero needs an old, wise mentor; heck while we're here why not throw in a montage of the prince learning karate?
To make things better the director didn't even bother playing the game, he had his assistant give him tips. Aside from the obvious question of how do we get that dude's job, we're a tad bit concerned about the fact that the guy making the movie has no clue about "the feel" of the source material.
Here is a straight quote from the director:
Not very promising to be honest
At least the whole thing is made by Disney, so we can be sure we'll all have a little Prince of Persia McDonalds toy and a LEGO set and probably a cartoon show and a theme park ride, maybe even a Prince of Persia LEGO game. The future looks awesome for this franchise, and by awesome we mean soulless and used by large corporations to milk every last penny out of fans of the games. Enjoy.
Finally a naked LEGO prince!