Adult Swim

Adult Swim is one of the most original and weird networks on TV. More people watch Adult Swim than anything else. Think of all that power! And with great power comes great responsibility, right? Well, kind of. Adult Swim just does whatever it wants.

Like something out of a psychotic dream sketchbook.

What a colorful cast of characters.

Just The Facts

  1. Adult Swim is a cartoon program produced by the most stoned people in America.
  2. Sometimes it has anime. So what?
  3. Many of their bumpers wish to enlighten you, but just end up making your brain hurt. For example, "Winter is like free porn for trees."
  4. Most Adult Swim shows only last a season or two before getting canceled. It's because they're too real for the mainstream, man!
  5. Snails crawled out my butthole just now and I like oranges and our president isn't black, he's hippopotamus! If that sentence just made you laugh, then you may already be an Adult Swim fan.

Who Watches Adult Swim?

Your average Adult Swim fan consumes vast amounts of THC and magic mushrooms because it's the only way to understand shows like 12oz. Mouse or Tom Goes to the Mayor. Viewers like to stay up late, doing nothing but smoking pot and watching TV, so they're not altogether interesting. If you invite a hardcore Adult Swim fan to a party all that pent-up social anxiety will likely explode and create a giant mess.

Messy.

Shows

After being canceled half a dozen times on Fox, Adult Swim acquired the rights to Family Guy, which made AS millions and once again proved Fox will cancel any show that is decent or profitable. Fox called Adult Swim begging for the show back, but probably only got a voicemail of fart sounds.

Adult Swim is known for the fucked up things they present on April Fools Day, such as showing The Room, which is possibly the worst film in the world, or airing the Mr. T Show. Weird, except they show things like this every other day of the year as well. It's a never ending April Fool's joke. NEVER ENDING.

Some of Adult Swim's weirdest shows are Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! (which Tim and Eric describe as "the nightmare version of television"), Xavier: Renegade Angel (which is what happens when you have a shamanistic N64), Assy McGee (a tough cop show with a talking pair of asscheeks) and. . . I can't do any more of this. This is going to damage my delicate psyche.

But it goes without saying that Superjail is the epitome of Adult Swim entertainment. It's Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory meets HBO's Oz with a killer robot, a transexual prison guard, seven-fingered twin god things and more blood than the Red Cross has ever recieved. Nothing says Adult Swim like this mindfuck.

Bombs! Bombs! Bombs!

In 2007, Adult Swim's avant-garde advertising techniques (i.e. throwing shit on buildings) got them in trouble when three artists installed LED placards around Boston. In the graffiti community this is known as "street art" but to the Boston Police Department this is known as "terrorism."

Boston PD brought in the bomb squad and a small army to decide if these battery-powered LED advertisements, featuring a thing called a Mooninite from a show called Aqua Teen Hunger Force giving the middle finger. Threatening, right?

So Boston PD closed several bridges and sent the city into a paranoid freakout. They took the signs to a secure area and blew them up as a precaution. The main guy behind everything, Peter Berdovsky, filmed the cops and secrelty laughed about it.

Spoiler alert: the ads weren't actually bombs and they had been in place about three weeks before the bomb squad arrived. Imagine if they had actually been bombs, though. That two weeks would have done you a lot of good. Man, the police are really looking out for you.

Never Forget how stupid Boston PD is.

In the end, this made the Boston PD look like a lost troupe of retarded boy scouts who thought a pinecone was a nuke. It also proved America is far too sensitive about things since 9-11 and should really lighten up. I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding! Please don't send me to Guantanamo!

Mene Tekel writes more crap at filthfiller.com