Robot Unicorn Attack

Robot Unicorn Attack is a flash game on Adult Swim's website. The point behind the game is apparently to honor the bygone days when every pre-pubescent girl owned a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper, while testing how secure men are in their sexuality.

Wishes? I wish this game would make like a unicorn and cease to exist...

This movie was full of shit: There are more unicorns out there, and they are robots.

Just The Facts

  1. The only thing that could make this game any more gay is hot, man-dolphin on man-unicorn action.
  2. Studies show that playing Robot Unicorn Attack is the easiest way for a teenage boy to keep his father from ever speaking to him again.
  3. Women and small children can make fun of you for playing this game, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.


The player controls a robot unicorn. The object is to destroy the metal stars, accruing as many points as possible, The controls are simple: You press X to 'dash', which destroys the star. You press Z to jump. Running into a star without dashing, or running into a wall, destroys the robot unicorn. You get 3 lives, which are referred to as 'wishes'. Dolphins follow the unicorn on its doomed journey. The song "Always", by Erasure, plays constantly. The song is part of the magic of the game. The game and song were meant for one another, just as Corey Haim was meant to die a drug-related death. Too soon? Yes, probably too soon.