Prostitutes

Because money can buy love! (or the illusion of love...and herpes)

Just The Facts

  1. Prostitution is the oldest job in the book.
  2. By the book we mean the Bible.
  3. Deuteronomy 23:17-18.

So, what about the prostitutes?

Prostitution is the oldest job in the world, in fact we now have irrefutable proof that we were paying for sex even before we called ourselves Homo Sapiens and decided that walking upright was all the rage. In the name of science a bunch of researchers at Yale taught monkeys to use money. So what's the first thing the monkeys do? If you guessed: "set up a banking system more efficient that what we have now." you're pretty close, but no. The monkeys discovered prostitution!

You dirty girl, you

Now, if you're up to date on monkey news this cannot be that surprising, seeing as monkey are known to pay for monkey porn, but did you know penguins exchanged food for sex? Yes, that cute little guy from Happy Feet is just another pervert looking for a quick lay.

Imagine him bitch slapping the monkey from the first photo

So now that we made ourselves feel better by saying: "Hey, the animals do it, too!" Let's take a look at some of the sick stuff we, humans are willing to do for money.

Robot Prostitutes

People are willing to pay $7000 so they can have sex with this:

God damn, she's hot!

First legal male prostitute:

Women will pay to have sex with this:

He prefers to be called gigolo

From his interview with Details we find out that he is booked for months to come, but women don't just pay to have sex with him. He is an experience!

Orangutan sex

We were going to talk about the insanely deranged men who paid to have sex with a shaved orangutan, but started crying halfway through the research. Here's a picture of a puppy to help us unsee what we have seen...

Virtual prostitution

People will pay (virtual) money to (virtually) have sex with this:

The cold, dead eyes really do it for us.

To wrap up things how about we take a look at the good Book and what it has to say on prostitution: (By the good book we mean the Bible and we base this opinion soley on the fact that a bible gave that dude from the Book of Eli superpowers)

From the get go the Bible makes sure to tell us that there are two kinds of prostitutes, the ordinary ones who will charge you ten bucks and give you syphilis and the high prostitutes who will charge you more than you can afford and act like a snooty trophy wife. Finding the middle way is a task worthy of great spiritual masters, a never ending quest for a perfect balance between sexy-ness, lack of STD's and an affordable price, a quest that will take your whole life to master, and that's what the Bible is all about! (just ask the Pope, not the current nazi one, but the old school popes who had dozens of mistresses. God those were some kick-ass popes...)