Cargo Pants

When you think of cargo pants, you think one of two things: our armed forces, or that girl who sat behind you in high school chemistry class and wore nothing but cargo pants and video game sweaters.

Cargo pants can prove your pride in your profession...

...or lack of pride in general.

Despite her slutty poses, purple cargos are fitting for young girls under the age of 10.

Just The Facts

  1. Cargo pants were first worn by British military personnel in 1938.
  2. Cargo pants were not brought to the U.S until the mid-1940s during WWII.
  3. The large side pockets were originally only on paratroopers' uniforms, giving them room to hold radios and extra ammunition.
  4. Cargo pants came back into fashion during the mid 1990s.
  5. After the year 2000, cargo pants were only used by construction workers and toddlers.
  6. Cargo pants usually come in only two colors: khaki and camo.

Where have all the cargo pants gone?

"No one's gotten a handjob in cargo pants since 'nam."

Seth from the smash-hit movie Superbad could not be more right. After all, who would want to get close to somebody whose pants look like they could be holding every concealable weapon possible?

Burt Reynolds mustaches are NOT hot.

Cargo pants are ass-ugly. However, this never stopped anybody from wearing them in bygone years. Still, cargo pants have decreased in popularity over the past two decades for a couple of reasons.

One reason is that although functional, many women find these pants too masculine to wear. Most women also find it much easier to store whatever it is they need in a purse instead of lugging around their necessities in giant carpenter's pants.

Another reason is that skinny is the new trend. More women (and men) opt for tighter-fitting clothing in darker colors due to the fact that it makes the wearer look thinner. Cargo pants do the exact opposite of this. They only make the wearer look heavier. Your butt in cargo pants makes planet Jupiter feel like a munchkin.

Who started the trend?

As stated on, cargo pockets were originally used on sport hunting clothing for clearly functional purposes, such as holding ammo or pepper spray (you never know who's in the woods with you...). It can also be reasonably inferred that cargo pants have been used in combat during all wars since WWII.

But according to, young people adopted loose cargo pants in the mid 1990s. Around 1995, olive green military sweaters and tan coloured military cargo pants ruled the scene. You were hot to trot around the town in cargo pants, a denim jacket, flannel shirt, and a spankin' new pair of Doc Martens.

However, this trend died a quick death.

Who wears them today?

Cargo pants are most acceptably worn by the following age groups in this day and age:

1. Toddlers
2. Children under the age of 10
3. Construction workers/carpenters
4. Lumberjacks
5. Old people on vacation

Anyone seen wearing cargo pants outside of this group should quickly be called onto TLC's What Not To Wear.

(Side note: It is acceptable to wear cargo pants at a concert and fill the pockets with rocks. It makes the mosh pit that much more fun.)